


That Kiss

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, Episode: s02e22 Two Cathedrals, Episode: s03e01 Manchester Part I, Episode: s03e02 Manchester Part II, F/M, Missing Scene, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-27
Updated: 2008-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-30 19:57:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15103859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: The events leading up to - and following - 'That Kiss' at the end of Season 3, Episode 2 (Manchester Part 2) - you know the one - 'Get out of the way, CJ!'





	1. Damn The Press

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Abbey walked into the kitchen and angrily dumped the basket of apples on the table. 

"Damn the press!" she seethed. "Damn their unnamed sources! Damn their prying – snooping – meddlesome – intrusive–" 

"You talking to yourself again, Mom?" 

Abbey turned at the sound of Zoey's voice at the kitchen door. "No," she said, unable to keep the bitterness from her voice, "I'm just practising for the next time I stand at the podium in the Press Room! Unnamed sources – huh!" 

Zoey came into the kitchen and started transferring the apples from the basket into a plastic bowl. "You talking about the reports in the press today? Yeah, some of them–" 

"Don't _you_ start – I've had enough with CJ!" Abbey snapped then stopped. "Oh God, I'm sorry, Zoey, I didn't mean to take it out on you. I shouldn't have taken it out on CJ either. But I just get so _frustrated_ –" 

"About the lack of privacy?" Zoey asked. "Do you want these coring and peeling now?" 

"What? Oh no, leave them. There'll be time later. And yes, at the way those mealy-mouthed wannabe reporters seem to think they have some God-given right to ask questions about every intimate detail of our private lives." 

Zoey hesitated. "Is – is everything all right, Mom?" 

Abbey glanced round at her. "What makes you ask that?" 

"Well, you only came up here this morning – and Dad–" 

"Your Dad had to come up here two days ago because half the staff were here working on his speech – and I–" She stopped and heaved a sigh. "Yeah, okay, Zoey, things have been a bit strained recently." 

"Because he's gonna run again?" 

"That's part of it. But – no, I'm sorry, Zoey, this is between your Dad and me – and we'll sort it out. But CJ wants a photo-op with us all together – and it just bugs me when we have to do something like that just to keep the press quiet." 

"So we're gonna do a photo-op then?" 

Abbey raised her hands in a gesture of defeat. "Oh, for heavens sake, why not? But later or maybe tomorrow – because right now I need to take a long hike somewhere to get away from people and press and politics and – everything! You gonna come?" 

"Yeah – and Ellie said she'd come too. Liz just called to say that they'd wouldn't be here until later – something to do with Annie's dance class running late." 

"Okay – ten minutes then? We can do the trail around the lake." 

Two hours later, Abbey was in a somewhat calmer mood. Their hike around the lake had helped. Zoey and Ellie had chatted lightly as they walked and, as if by mutual consent, had left her alone with her thoughts. And she hadn't really known what she was thinking. What she had said to Zoey was true – things had been strained. Yeah, well, that had been an understatement, she thought with a sigh. The damned Berlin Wall had been rebuilt between them since the press conference. And they were both to blame for that. 

Her mind went back to her own stunned reaction when he'd first made that announcement, and then how the shock and at the same time the gut-wrenching fear had ripped through her. Maybe if she'd managed to stay calm as she waited for him, things might have been different. But by the time he had eventually come up to the Residence it had been white-hot anger that had spilled out of her, anger that he had gone completely against the decision they had made together when they knew that they had to go public with his MS – and against the deal they had made four years earlier. She'd tried to give him ways of getting out of it – but stopped when she saw the steel in those blue eyes as he said 'I'm running again.' 

He'd said that he had a lot to say – but then there hadn't been time – and then he'd closed down on her, seemed to find any excuse that he could not to talk about it – and then told her that she wasn't with him – and not even given her the chance to tell him what she was thinking or feeling. 

She remembered how hurt and angry she had been – the night she had told him to go to hell – because he'd refused to listen. She'd wanted to tell him then that she understood why he had to do it – but he'd dismissed it, told her he needed to read about agriculture – and she'd lost her temper and stormed out. After that, they'd been civilised together – but a million miles apart, even in bed. 

'And I shouldn't have taken that out on CJ,' she thought. 'She was only doing her job.' 

She and CJ had bonded in the early days of the campaign for the Democratic nomination – at least after the evening when they'd both had a few glasses of wine too many and had admitted to each other that to start with they had both been a little in awe of the other. After that, their friendship had developed and even after Jed had become President, there were still the times when they could step aside from their professional relationship of First Lady and Press Secretary into their personal friendship. 

Was that what CJ had been trying to do that afternoon? Abbey wondered. Trying to give her advice as a friend, and not just as Press Secretary? But then she'd started talking about the photo-op and then the unnamed sources – and Abbey's frustration at the intrusion of the press into their private lives had boiled over. 

Abbey heaved a sigh that made Zoey and Ellie look round at her. 

"You okay, Mom?" Zoey asked. 

Abbey nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay – just trying to get my head round something." 

"Anything we can do to help?" Ellie asked, and Abbey saw the concern in her eyes. 

She smiled. "No, it's just something I need to sort out." She paused for a moment then went on, "Your Dad once said 'The day-to-day experience of my life has changed in many ways since taking this job' – and I guess that goes for me too – and for both of you. It's just that some days it's harder to cope with than others." 

As they started across the fields that led back to the house, Abbey reflected on what she'd just said. In the days before the Presidency, there hadn't been the media scrutiny into every aspect of their lives. But now their lives _had_ changed, and she supposed it was inevitable that the press wanted to pick up on anything and everything about their President. And that meant his relationship with his wife too. Even when – no, _especially_ when – it was so obviously as fraught as it was right now. Even the staff were tiptoeing around them. What was it CJ had said hesitantly – 'uncomfortable territory'? Yeah, it was that and more, much more. 

'We really do need to sort this out before Monday,' she thought suddenly. Jed was going to make his formal declaration of his candidacy for his second term as President – so somehow before then she had to reach out to him, tell him that she was with him, despite all her reservations and fears. The only question was when? He had been closeted with the staff in the Great Barn ever since she had arrived home. She'd only seen a glimpse of him in the distance from the bedroom window, when he'd obviously sneaked outside to have a cigarette – a sure sign that things were not going well. But maybe later that evening, when the staff had gone back to the hotel? Yeah, okay, she thought to herself, we can talk about it tonight. Having made the decision, she relaxed a little. 

Then, as they approached the house, she saw Leo sitting on one of the Adirondack chairs on the porch. 'Oh God,' she thought, her nerves tightening again, 'now he's gonna lay into me for upsetting CJ–' 

"Hey, Leo," she said with forced brightness as she took off her boots before climbing the steps to the porch. "How's things?" 

"Difficult," admitted Leo. "But I won't bore you with the details." He stood up as she approached and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek. "Good to see you, Abbey!" She wondered if even that simple statement was loaded – if he was referring to the fact that she hadn't travelled up here with Jed – but then he grinned. "You always look much more relaxed up here – must be all this New Hampshire fresh air!" 

"Less stuffy than Washington huh?" 

"In more ways than one?" 

"Yeah, you could say that. Want some coffee, Leo?" 

"Sounds good to me." Leo followed her into the kitchen and Abbey busied herself with the coffee machine. "I thought Ellie and Zoey were with you?" 

"Yeah, they've just gone to feed the horses." 

"They're staying over till Monday?" 

She nodded. "Yes, and Liz is coming over too with the kids." 

"Abbey–" 

She suppressed a groan – here it comes, she thought. "Yeah?" 

"Don't bite my head off, Abbey – but – photo-op?" 

Abbey poured the coffee and then handed him a mug. "Because of this morning's photos?" 

Leo shook his head. "No. I know CJ's pissed off about those, but I think she's making too much of it." 

"What then?" 

"On Monday he's gonna make his formal declaration – so if Monday morning's papers ran a photo of you all? Just casual – family breakfast on the porch tomorrow morning maybe?" 

"The United Family of America?" Abbey said caustically, then sighed. "Yeah – okay, Leo. You'd better check it out with Jed, though." Then she stopped, realising what she had just said. She raised her eyes to meet Leo's. "Leo, I haven't even seen him yet. He must have heard the motorcade arriving but–" 

"Abbey, I'm not making excuses – but it _is_ pretty heavy at the moment. Even Bruno was threatening to put a pitchfork up everyone's asses. There are a lot of arguments going on – the staff, Bruno's team – they're really struggling out there." 

"Yeah, okay. So is this going to go on all evening too? Liz and the kids will be here soon – and I know Jed'll want to see them." Even if he doesn't want to see me, she added to herself. 

"I'm sure he wants to see you all. Look, we're gonna break about six – I'll get everyone back to the hotel for a couple of hours – okay?" 

"Then you'll need Jed for the rest of the evening?" 

"'Fraid so, we've got a lot of stuff from the White House to catch up with. And do you mind if the guys use a couple of rooms in the house this evening?" 

Abbey grinned suddenly. "You mean you don't want to add blackfly and mozzie bites to all your other problems? Yeah, that's fine – be my guest. We'll be okay downstairs in the family room." 

"Thanks, Abbey." He downed the rest of his coffee and stood up. "I'd better get back." 

"Leo–" Abbey stopped him as he reached the door. "Will you need CJ this evening?" 

"Probably not – why?" 

"I think I need to talk to her." 

Leo nodded. "Yeah." He paused for a moment. "She was doing her job, Abbey." 

"I know. I shouldn't have bitten her head off. So would you tell her that I'd like her to come up here this evening, Leo?" 

"Okay." He hesitated for a moment, seemed about to say something more, then just said again, "Okay – see you later, Abbey." 


	2. Out of Step

It was just after six when Jed came into the kitchen. In the meantime, Liz had arrived with Annie and Gus, explaining that Doug was in New York on a business trip and couldn't get back until Sunday evening. After some cold drinks and a lot of lively chatter on the porch, Ellie and Annie took Gus to play on the swing while Abbey, Zoey and Liz started to prepare the evening meal. 

They were all laughing at a silly joke that Liz had just told when Jed walked in. Abbey noticed immediately that he looked tired. 

"Hi," she said. "Hard day?" 

"Yeah, you could say that." He came across to her and kissed her cheek briefly. "I'm sorry I couldn't get out when you arrived." 

"That's okay. Leo said you were having problems." 

"Leo was here?" 

"Yeah, just for a short time. About a photo-op at breakfast tomorrow." 

"Okay." Jed turned to his girls. "Hey, Liz – Zoey!" He hugged them both in turn. "It's good to see you both. Where're the kids?" 

"Ellie and Annie are getting Gus over-excited on the swing," Liz said dryly. "You can hear his giggles and shrieks from here!" 

Jed laughed. "You sound just like your Mom! Remember, Abbey? When I used to come back up here when I was in Congress, you always got mad when I put Zoey on the swing and got her hyped-up just before bedtime!" 

Abbey nodded and Zoey laughed. "Hey, I remember that, Dad – well, I didn't know I was hyped-up – but I can remember yelling 'Higher – higher!' when you pushed the swing." 

"I remember when you accidentally kicked Dad in the face," Liz said with a laugh. "He had to go back to Washington with a black eye." 

"Oh yeah – I'd forgotten about that," Jed grinned. "Okay, I guess I'd better stay clear of Gus on the swing then." He glanced round at Abbey. "Do I have I time for a shower?" 

She nodded. "Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes." 

"Fine. Whatever it is, it smells good." 

"Cod and crab cakes with pepper coulis." 

"Excellent! I won't be long." 

Dinner, as always with the Bartlet family, was an animated affair as they sat around the large table in the kitchen. Refreshed by his shower, Jed was in good form, teasing Annie about her favourite pop stars, joking with Gus when he made a face at the vegetables, asking Liz about Doug's latest business trip, discussing Ellie's research with her and laughing with Zoey as she recounted a funny story about one of her professors. 

Just the same as it always was, Abbey thought as she went to the freezer to collect the ice-cream that would accompany the apple pie. Except that it wasn't the same. Normally she and Jed would be exchanging smiles, communicating with glances – but now it was as if they were both nervous about making that sort of intimate contact. It wasn't that they were both sulking, or not speaking to each other – it was just that they were – Abbey thought for a moment – yeah, it was as if they were out of step somehow, unsure of each other, unable to reach each other. She hadn't felt it as much at the White House – they were both used to their busy lives there with quick conversations in between meetings, receptions and official visits. But here at home they could usually relax – and at the moment she felt anything but relaxed. 

"Mom, have you fallen into the freezer?" Zoey called from the kitchen. 

Quickly Abbey picked up the tubs of ice-cream and took them into the kitchen. "Sorry, I was looking for the choc-chip." 

"Chip-chop!" Gus shouted, banging his spoon on the table. "Yay!" 

"You and me both, young man!" Jed laughed. "Chip-chop it is!" He looked round at Liz. "You staying over tonight, Liz?" 

"Yeah, can do," Liz replied. "Anyway, Mom said something about a photo-op at breakfast tomorrow." 

For the first time Jed looked directly at Abbey. "Yeah, what was all that about?" 

"Leo thought it would be good if there was a family photo for the Monday morning papers." 

"Leo thought? That's more CJ's scene, isn't it?" 

"Yeah, well CJ mentioned it too." Abbey deliberately didn't add that CJ's reason had been different from Leo's. "She's coming up here tonight – I'll talk to her about it – but probably breakfast on the porch." 

Jed grinned suddenly. "Does that mean we can have waffles for breakfast?" 

"With lots of maple syrup?" Annie added eagerly. 

"Just so long as–" Jed started. 

"Just so long as it's New Hampshire Maple Syrup." Zoey laughed as she finished his sentence for him. "Yeah, we know, Dad." 

Jed glanced at his watch. "Okay, I got about twenty minutes – anyone want to shoot some baskets?" 

Annie jumped up. "Great! I've been practising, Gramps – bet I can beat you this time!" 

"What's the bet?" 

"Dad," Liz protested, "you shouldn't be encouraging her to bet!" 

"Aww, Mom," Annie said, in the long-suffering voice that only teenagers can use, "it's okay – Gramps and me, we got it sussed. It's my dime to his dollar." She looked back at Jed. "And I brought my DVD of _Billy Elliot_ – you wanna watch that later?" 

"Billy Elliot?" Jed asked, standing up and pushing back his chair. "Is that your latest boyfriend?" 

Annie giggled. "Don't be silly! It's the movie about the boy who wants to dance more than anything else in the world. It makes me cry. You wanna watch it?" 

"Wish I could, sweetpea – but my mean ol' Chief of Staff wants me in Satellite City tonight." He used the term that Zoey had invented for the communications building at the farm, because of the dozens of satellite dishes on the roof that linked all the latest technological equipment there to all corners of the globe. Then he glanced apologetically towards Abbey. "Sorry – we're gonna be working late, there's a lot come through while we've been stuck in the Barn all day." 

Abbey nodded. "Yeah, Leo said so." 

For a moment their eyes met and Jed gave her the briefest of smiles. "I'll get back as soon as I can." Then he turned to Annie again. "Okay, come on, then – my dime to your dollar–" 

"No, that's not right, Gramps, it's–" Annie said as she followed him out through the door. 

Abbey stood up. "Okay, so let's clear this lot – then we can watch Annie's movie." 

"Me wanna see movie," said Gus. 

"You can watch your favourite part of _Toy Story_ after your bath," Liz said, scooping him up. "And then it's bedtime for big boys." 

It was an hour and a half later before they all settled in the large family room in the basement that held the huge widescreen TV. The dishwasher had been stacked and switched on, they'd sorted out as much as they could for breakfast the following morning, Gus had gone willingly to bed after watching the chase scene in _Toy Story_ and Annie had returned triumphant after beating her grandfather by one basket. Jed and Leo had gone up to Satellite City – and Abbey had provided Scotch, coffee, donuts and apple pie for the staff who were sitting around the table in the formal dining room. 

They were half way through the movie when there was a soft knock at the door and they all glanced round as CJ put her head round the door. 

"I was told you wanted to see me, ma'am." 

Abbey stood up. "Hi, CJ. No, it's okay," she said as Annie pressed the pause button on the remote. "We'll go along to the den – you carry on watching the movie." 

"I'm sorry I couldn't get here earlier – we have a problem with the FDA," CJ said as they walked along the corridor. 

"FDA? But that's independent, isn't it?" Abbey asked as she led the way to the smaller room that she and Jed used as their private den. 

"Yeah, but we want to stop them from breaking into our news cycle on Monday." 

"With RU-486?" 

"Yeah. Josh is tying himself up in knots with it." 

"Oh, Josh is always tying himself up in knots!" Abbey opened the door of the den. "Make yourself comfortable, CJ." 

CJ waited until Abbey had sat down on one of the couches that was draped with a tartan throw, and then sat down on the couch across from her. "Ma'am, I'm sorry about earlier–" 

Abbey shook her head. "No, the apology's mine. You were doing your job, you were protecting the President – I should have understood that." 

"I'm trying to protect both of you – and your family too. Rumours start – and then run like forest fires–" 

"It's not a rumour, CJ." 

CJ looked at her for a few moments and then her eyes widened. "You're not saying that you – and the President–" 

"Are getting a divorce? Don't be an idiot, CJ – of course not. But things _are_ strained at the moment – I'm sure that the whole of the West Wing knows that." 

"Well – yes. That day – the day of the Press Conference – Leo told us that you and he had talked it through and decided that he was not going to run again. And then the Press Conference–" 

Abbey rolled her eyes. "Tell me about it!" 

"You mean you didn't know either? Oh my God–" 

Abbey was silent for a few seconds, then looked across at CJ. "I still don't know why, CJ – I still don't know why he changed his mind." 

"You mean you haven't–" CJ stopped. "I'm sorry, ma'am, it's none of my business." 

"Forget the 'ma'am'." 

"'Scuse me?" 

Abbey looked at her for a long moment. "Can we just be CJ and Abbey tonight? I can't talk to my daughters about this – because it's their father – but I'd like to talk to you." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes. In fact, I think I'd like to get drunk too – you want some cider?" 

"You told me earlier that I didn't get any." 

Abbey grinned. "That was earlier, this is now. C'mon, let's go get some." 

As they went up the stairs, they heard the voices from the dining room – Sam, Toby, Bruno and Doug were still discussing – or arguing, from the sound of it. 

"What's the problem?" Abbey asked as they went into the kitchen. CJ hesitated and Abbey went on, "CJ, it's Abbey you're talking to. What's the problem?" 

"Bruno's team think that he should apologise. Toby is adamant that he shouldn't." 

"For hiding the MS?" 

"Yes." 

"You know that the MS Society actually advises people to hide the illness because it's so misunderstood?" 

"Presidential candidates too?" 

Abbey held up her hands. "Okay – point taken." 

She went into the pantry to collect a couple of bottles of cider, and gestured to CJ to pick up some glasses from the dresser. "Let's go and get drunk, CJ." 


	3. Cider with CJ

As they settled down on the couches in the den again, Abbey poured the cider and then held her glass up to CJ's. "So – here's to another campaign and another election." 

CJ clinked her glass against Abbey's, and took a large gulp. "Hey, this is strong stuff." 

Abbey grinned. "I told you it was good." She paused and then went on, "D'you think he can win, CJ?" 

CJ thought for a few seconds. "At this moment, I'm honestly not sure." 

"He's never lost an election in his life. He can win this one." 

CJ hesitated. "I thought you didn't want him to run again." 

"I don't. It scares me. What it could do to him. I'm terrified. But it's something he has to do – I know that." 

"You said before that you didn't know why." 

"Oh, I know why he has to do it – it's because my jackass of a husband can't walk away from an unfinished job, even if it ends up killing him. But he still hasn't told me just when and why he changed his mind." 

"You haven't talked about it?" 

Abbey eased off her shoes and lifted her legs on to the couch. "Not since – that night. Too many other things kept getting in the way – he said he had a lot to say – but Haiti got in the way of it all – and then there was just never the time. And on Monday he's gonna make his formal declaration – and I – he–" Abbey broke off, tightened her lips and looked down, fighting back the sudden hot tears that had flooded to her eyes. 

CJ waited and after a few moments, Abbey lifted her eyes again. "He's gonna do it even though he thinks that I'm not with him – and that hurts – badly. And he still doesn't know that I'm – that I understand – that I'm not against him in all this." 

"Abbey, you need to tell him that." 

She nodded and drained her glass. "Yes. I know. Pour me another, Claudia J." She extended her glass and CJ filled it with cider again. 

"Would you like to introduce him on Monday, Abbey?" 

"What?" 

"At the thing on Monday. We were gonna get Leo to introduce him to the crowd – but how would you feel–?" 

Abbey thought about it for a moment then nodded slowly. "Yeah, I'd think I'd like that. Do I need to write a speech?" 

"Sam could do that for you." 

"Okay." 

"I think it would be good – after all the things in the press–" 

"Oh shut up about the press. I hate them all!" 

CJ grinned. "Just be grateful you don't have to stand up in front of them several times a day then!" 

"CJ–" 

"What?" 

"I'm sorry about the Haiti thing." 

"I screwed up, Abbey – I seriously screwed up on that one." 

"No, I don't mean that. It was me who suggested to Jed that you should be benched. Just to separate Haiti from the MS." 

"Wh – what did he say?" 

"He said it was Leo's call." 

CJ nodded. "And it was, Abbey. It was Leo – not you or the President." 

"You sure about that?" 

"Yeah. And I was pissed about it, and Leo's mad at me because of that but – oh God – after what I said–" 

"You made a mistake." 

"I can't afford to make mistakes like that." 

"Oh come on, CJ – don't beat yourself up about it. Everyone's forgotten about it now." 

"I haven't. I let him down so badly there." 

"So? It's over – forget it – move on." 

"It's not that easy–" 

"It was one word, CJ." 

"Yeah, one word that made the whole world believe that he was using the Haiti thing to deflect attention from the MS – that he was relieved – _relieved_ , God help me – about sending troops into danger because it took his mind off the fact that he'd lied to the electorate." 

"He didn't lie, CJ." 

CJ looked at her for a long moment. "Abbey, he didn't tell the truth – not even to us." 

"And you're all pissed at him." It was a statement, not a question, and Abbey drew in her breath. "It's been tangible in the West Wing, CJ – you're all pissed at him." 

CJ nodded slowly. "Toby's angry, Sam's confused, Josh is frustrated–" 

"And you?" 

"I – well, all I can think is if he'd just told us earlier, we wouldn't be facing this now. We knew how we wanted to run the next campaign – but now it's all messed up." 

Abbey nodded. "Yeah." It was all she could say because inside her, her heart was aching. 'Oh God, Jed,' she thought, 'you've just got to get these people back–' Her face creased at the thought of what he – no, of what they – had done to these people who would walk through fire for him – who had trusted him ... "I need some more cider," she said abruptly, and filled her own and CJ's glasses again. "And I think we need to change the subject before my head explodes." 

CJ grinned. "Mine too – what the hell do you put in this stuff?" 

"Family recipe – locked in the vaults of – oh, God knows where – but, you know, like the secret recipes for Coca-cola or KFC. Maybe we should market it?" 

"Awashiwi wotsit cider?" 

"Awa - siwi Onad – no, O-dan–ack," she enunciated carefully, then laughed. "God, I'm getting drunk now. Beyond the village – far from the something or other – well, except for all the satellite dishes. They must still be up there." 

CJ was confused. "What – the satellite dishes?" 

"No – Jed and Leo – they were up at Satellite City – sorry, I mean the communications building. Did you know that Jed could run a global war from there?" 

"Yeah, I did actually. I once shut the press up with that fascinating piece of trivia!" 

"You know, we could stay up here all year and never go to DC at all, 'cos Jed could do it all from here. Come to think of it, that's quite a good idea." 

"You got enough room here for all our offices then?" 

"Yeah – yeah–" Abbey waved her arm vaguely. "Lots of rooms here. Course, we'd have to have an extension built for an Oval Office someplace. Wonder if the carpet store in Manchester could do the Presidential Seal?" 

CJ started giggling. "You could always cut the one out of the Oval and bring it up here." 

"Yeah." Abbey took another gulp of her cider and looked across at CJ. "Okay, this is getting silly. I need to focus." 

"What for? I mean, on what?" 

"Photo-op – tomorrow morning." 

"Leo said breakfast on the porch." 

"Yeah, that's right. We're having waffles." 

"Okay." 

"With maple syrup – New Hampshire maple syrup." Abbey started laughing. "Oh God, just don't tell Jed that it's Vermont maple syrup – the Vermont Maple Association – or Foundation – or something – send us some each month." 

"My lips are sealed. Press announcement will refer to New Hamster maple syrup." 

"New Hamster?" 

"I once had a hamster – I called him 'Dam' – you know, Hamsterdam?" 

Abbey burst into laughter again. "That is just so – so–" 

"Stupid? Yeah, I know." 

They both turned when there was a knock on the door. "Come in!" Abbey called. 

It was Toby who opened the door. "Sorry to interrupt, ma'am – but I thought CJ ought to know that we're going back to the hotel now – so unless she wants to walk back into town–?" 

"Toby – come in – have some cider!" Abbey said brightly. 

"Well, thank you, ma'am – but I think I may already have had too much Jack Daniels for one night!" 

"How's the speech?" 

"We're – um – getting there." 

"Not locked yet then?" 

"No." 

Abbey grinned at CJ. "Toby can say so much with just one word, can't he?" She looked back at Toby. "Well, you've got another day, Toby." 

"Yes, ma'am. Sam and I are going back to work on it now – on our own. CJ?" 

"Yeah, I'm coming." 

CJ downed the rest of her glass and then grinned as she stood up. "If I've got a hangover tomorrow, I'll know who to blame." 

"You and me both." 

Abbey rose somewhat unsteadily to her feet and the two women hugged each other. "Thanks, CJ," she said. "I needed this tonight." 

"Yeah," CJ said. "See you tomorrow, Abbey. I'll get Sam to – you know–" 

"Okay, thanks. Oh – and what time for the photo thing?" 

"What time can you all be ready?" 

"One toddler, one teenager, one man, four women – and only three bathrooms? Make it nine o'clock." 

"Right." 

"And photos only. No questions." 

"Right." 

Abbey accompanied CJ and Toby up the stairs to the front hall, noticing on the way that the lights in the family room were off and that there was no-one there. 

When they reached the hall, she was surprised not to see Leo and Jed with the others. 

"Where's Leo?" she asked. 

"Still in the communications building with the President," Bruno replied. 

"Oh – okay." She turned to Sam. "CJ's got a job for you, Sam." 

Sam raised his eyebrows. "For me?" 

"I'll tell you about it in the car, Sam," CJ replied then turned back to Abbey. "I'll be here about eight thirty tomorrow, ma'am." 

Abbey grinned. "Sleep well, CJ – I'll have a pot of black coffee waiting for you in the morning." 

The two women exchanged smiles and Abbey watched them all leave. Then she leaned back against the door with a sigh. Okay, the girls had either gone to bed – or were sitting together in one of the bedrooms talking together. And God knows what time Jed and Leo would be finished... 

'I need some more cider,' she thought, and went through to the kitchen to pick up another bottle before heading back to the den. 

She switched on the small portable TV and flicked through the channels, while her mind tried to work through what CJ had said. Toby's angry, Sam's confused – or was it Josh who was confused? Oh well, it didn't matter – they were all pissed at him. Even CJ. 'If he'd just told us earlier, we wouldn't be facing this now...it's all messed up.' Did Jed know how they were all feeling, she wondered. He needed to know – just as he needed to know how she felt too. 

'I'll talk to him when he gets back,' she thought, curling up on the couch to watch some inane comedy programme. 

**** 

It was over an hour and a half later when Jed finally found her there. When he'd got back to the house, he assumed that she would have gone to bed, was probably asleep by now – so, without hurrying, he'd gone to the kitchen to pour a glass of Scotch. Then he went out on to the porch and lit a cigarette, reflecting on the disastrous day they had had in the Barn, wondering how the hell the speech was ever going to come together – and then wondering whether Abbey was mad with him because he hadn't been able to get out to meet her when she arrived. Well, it was just one more thing for her to be mad about, he thought with a sigh. 

'What the hell is happening to us?' he wondered. Even the Press were picking up on it now. The photo of him boarding Air Force One in one of the morning papers with the headline 'Home Alone?' And the first paragraph – 'President Bartlet departed for his New Hampshire home to prepare for his formal declaration of his intention to run for a second term, but there was no sign of First Lady Abigail Bartlet. One of our sources, close to the First Couple, has said that there has been tension between the President and his wife ever since the disclosure of his MS and the Press Conference which followed it, and that it is possible that the First Lady does not agree with the President's decision to run again.' 

'Yeah, well, we can't sue 'em for guessing at the truth,' Jed thought wearily. That so-called tension had turned into a massive gulf between them – and he just didn't know how they were ever going to resolve it. He knew all of Abbey's reasons for not wanting him to run again – but at the same time he knew that it was what he had to do. He just hadn't envisaged that it would be such an irresistible force meeting such an immoveable object – or that it would come to the point where he had started wondering – and fearing – that the impact would be so great that it could destroy their marriage. 

He heaved a sigh, then stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray, drained his glass and went back into the house. Everything was quiet as he climbed the stairs – but he knew as soon as he went into their bedroom that she wasn't there. The curtains were still open and there was enough light for him to see that the bed was empty. His heart sank – did that mean she'd taken herself off to the guest room, that she didn't even want to share the same bed? 

He pulled off his sneakers, started to take off his polo shirt and then stopped. No, he needed to find out where she was. Maybe she was just talking to one of the girls? Quietly he opened the bedroom door again and padded noiselessly along the corridor. But there was no sound from any of the girls' rooms, and both of the guest rooms were empty. Where the hell was she? 'Please God, she's not gone back to DC,' he whispered to himself as momentary panic whipped through him. Then he relaxed. No, he would have seen – or at least heard – her motorcade. 

Slowly he made his way down the stairs. All the ground floor rooms were in darkness, but then he noticed that the light on the basement stairs was still on. Quickly he went down – heard the muted sound of the TV from the den – and opened the door. Then he stopped. 

She was curled up on the couch, with one of the tartan throws around her. On the table were two glasses, two empty bottles of cider, and one that was still half full. He reached for the remote to turn off the TV and then looked down at his sleeping wife. 

His heart seemed to constrict inside him. Her face was relaxed and at peace, her hair tangled with a few strands falling across her cheek. 'God, I love you so much,' he thought. He reached out, intending to shake her gently – but then stopped himself. Had she just fallen asleep down here having had what looked like too much cider? Or had she made a conscious decision to stay away from their bed? He just didn't know. 

Tentatively, he let his fingers stroke her hair for a second. "I love you, Abbey," he whispered. Then, regretfully, he turned to the door and went upstairs to bed. 

Abbey, soundly asleep, was totally unaware of what had just happened... 


	4. Photo shoot

Abbey woke to the sound of a herd of elephants stampeding down the corridor. Then an urgent stage whisper, "Gus, come back here! Grammy's still asleep!" 

She winced as she lifted her head then looked around, disorientated for a few moments. Then she realised that she was in the den. Catching sight of the cider bottles on the table, she groaned slightly and wondered if CJ was feeling the after-effects too. 

Slowly, she pushed the tartan throw aside, lifted herself to sitting position and stretched her aching shoulders. As she did, there was a gentle knock on the door. "Mom – are you awake?" 

"Yeah – just." 

Liz came in. "Dad said you were in here." 

"Yeah, I fell asleep watching TV – after CJ had gone." Then she looked at Liz. "Dad said?" 

"He said he came looking for you last night when you weren't in bed." 

Momentarily, Abbey closed her eyes and heaved a sigh, not even wanting to start contemplating what Jed's thoughts might have been. 

"Where is he?" she asked. 

"Up at Satellite City for the NSA briefing – but he said he'd come back in time for the photo-op." 

"Oh God, yes – photo-op!" Abbey started to panic as she remembered. "What time is it now, Liz?" 

"Eight o'clock. Don't worry, you have plenty of time. Breakfast is all ready on the porch. We just have to make the waffles." 

"Thanks, Liz." Abbey stood up, then winced as the band around her head seemed to tighten. "God, I am _never_ gonna drink cider again!" 

Liz laughed. "Until the next time?" 

"Liz, do me a favour – just make a jug of strong black coffee, will you? I guess CJ will want some too when she gets here. I need to shower and then try to make myself look half-way decent for this shoot." 

"Okay, will do." 

As she showered and then dried her hair, Abbey tried to start thinking straight. Jed had come looking for her – found her asleep in the den – but hadn't woken her. Why? They'd shared the bed at the White House, so it wasn't as if he didn't want to sleep in the same bed as her. Even though they hadn't made love for over a month now. Even though there was still the gulf between them, with both of them eventually reluctant to make that first move. Even though they seemed to have passed the point of being able to talk about it. 

Damn, damn, damn, Abbey thought as she dragged a brush through her dark curls. Why the hell can't we talk about this? Why are we letting this destroy everything between us? She switched off the hair-drier and leant back in the chair. Somehow they had to reach out to each other again. 

And then she remembered what CJ had said the night before – 'if he'd just told us earlier, we wouldn't be facing this now.' He had to reach out to his staff too – stop them thinking that the whole thing was such a mess, give them the boost that they all needed to get back on track again. 

Abbey sighed. The whole thing _was_ a mess – for Jed and herself, for Jed and his staff. Somehow they all had to regroup. 

Casually dressed in jeans and dark green and black checked shirt, and with just a minimum of make-up, Abbey reached the kitchen just as CJ arrived. 

"How you feeling, CJ?" she asked. 

The other woman grinned. "In need of that black coffee you promised me! I will never ever drink cider again!" 

"Yeah, I said that to Liz earlier too. Fun while it lasts, but hell afterwards huh?" 

"You can say that again!" They sat down at the kitchen table with mugs of coffee and CJ glanced across at Abbey. "Abbey, did you – I mean, have you managed to talk to him yet, to tell him how you feel?" 

Abbey threw her an expressive look. "You've gotta to be joking. We didn't even sleep in the same room last night!" As CJ looked alarmed, Abbey waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, don't read anything into that – I just fell asleep on the couch in the den!" 

"Okay," CJ said carefully, "so the photo-shoot this morning – is that gonna be okay?" 

"You mean are we gonna be glaring at each other the whole time? Give me a break, CJ – I know what you need – and we'll deliver the goods, I promise you. Now – how many photographers do we have?" 

"Okay," CJ said, reverting to professional mode again, "there should be eight – the Post, Times, Tribune, Globe – and a couple more Boston papers, and two from Manchester and Concord." 

"Just press, no TV? And they know about no questions?" 

CJ nodded. "No TV and absolutely no questions. Just relax and have breakfast – and I'll give them just five minutes. But perhaps we ought to look at the seating?" 

Abbey grinned. "If I know my daughters, they'll already have worked that out! Come on, let's go and have a look." 

On the way she grabbed her sunglasses from the dresser, mindful of the bright sunshine which would do nothing for her headache. She grinned as CJ brought her own sunglasses from her pocket. "Anyone would think we both had hangovers, CJ!" 

She led the way out on to the porch. Zoey, Ellie and Annie were already sitting there, nibbling from a bowl of dried fruit on the table. 

"Where's Liz?" Abbey asked. 

"She took Gus down to the lake," Annie explained. 

"She'll bring him back once the press have set up," Ellie explained. "Otherwise he'll get bored just waiting around." 

Abbey nodded. "Okay, good idea. So where d'you think we all ought to sit, CJ?" 

"Well, the press need to be over there with the sun behind them – so–" 

"So – Mom and Dad there, Liz and the kids at that side, and Ellie and me this side," Zoey said. "There you are – all organised!" 

CJ laughed and Abbey looked at her. "See, what did I tell you? I knew they would have worked it all out. Okay, we got about fifteen minutes – guess we ought to start on the waffles." 

"And the New Hampshire maple syrup?" CJ asked with a grin. 

"Grammy, we could only find Verm–" Annie started. 

"Annie – say nothing!" Abbey said with a grin. "Let's just put it into a jug and Gramps will never know the difference." 

Ellie laughed. "It's okay, Mom, we already did!" 

"Okay, I'll leave you to it – and go and marshal all the photographers," CJ said. "They were all congregating at the front when I arrived." 

Ten minutes later Jed arrived back at the house with Leo. The girls were already out on the porch and Abbey was putting the last few waffles into a small basket. 

For a couple of seconds her eyes met Jed's and she saw the unspoken question about the previous night which he couldn't ask with Leo there. 

Instead he said, "Do I need to change?" 

Abbey glanced at his beige chinos and dark blue polo shirt and tried to reduce the tension between them – tension which could easily be caught by the cameras. "It's a family breakfast, not a State Dinner, Jed!" she said with a laugh. "You look fine like that. What d'you think, Leo?" 

Leo held up his hands with a grin. "Don't ask me – it's CJ's call!" 

"And CJ said just a relaxed family breakfast." 

"I'll leave you to it then," Leo said as he exited through the porch door and made his way across to where CJ was waiting with the crowd of photographers. 

Jed started to follow him but Abbey called him back. "Jed–" 

He turned. "What?" 

Abbey looked at him, her lips twitching slightly. "I have a confession to make – and I need to make it before you say something out there–" 

Jed frowned. "What do you mean?" 

"I don't want everyone to be reduced to giggles – and you not knowing – not with all the press there." 

Jed came back towards her, his eyes narrowing. "What on earth are you talking about?" 

"Well, you know what you said yesterday about New Hampshire maple syrup?" 

She couldn't keep her face straight – and Jed caught on. He started grinning. "You mean it isn't?" 

"I'm sorry – there wasn't any left–" 

"So it's Vermont?" 

Abbey nodded and Jed started laughing. "And everyone out there knows that – but is gonna think that I think–? Okay, so this could get very funny. C'mon, let's go." 

"Here, take these," Abbey said, handing him the basket of waffles. 

Together they went out on to the porch, both of them still smiling, and the cameras started flashing. Abbey sighed inwardly with relief. She'd done it deliberately in an effort to keep the atmosphere light, and it had worked – at least for the time being. 

The whole photo-shoot went well. Even Gus was so entranced by his grandfather's good humour that he forgot about the cameras, and Jed had them all laughing – especially when he reached for the jug of maple syrup and said, "The best maple syrup in the world!" 

The others maintained straight faces as he drizzled the syrup over his waffle. He took a bite and then looked round at them all. "Yeah, well, we all know that the best comes from New Hampshire – but I guess this morning we have to settle for – er – second best?" 

Annie was wide-eyed. "You mean you really can tell the difference?" 

"Of course I can!" Jed insisted, and then his eyes slid round to Abbey. 

"Mom, you told him!" Zoey laughed. 

Abbey looked innocently round at them all but then started laughing too. She glanced at Jed and they exchanged amused looks as the rest of the family burst out laughing. 

The cameras flashed and CJ, watching from the side, let out an enormous sigh of relief. Knowing what she knew about the tense relationship between the First Couple, she didn't know how Abbey had done it – but there was no doubt that tomorrow's photos in the press would dispel the media rumours and the public's doubts about their President and his wife. 

She glanced at her watch and once the five minutes were up, she called a halt to the shoot. "Okay, guys, that's it." 

As the photographers dispersed, she walked up the steps to the porch. "Thank you, Mr President – ma'am–" 

"Where's Leo?" Jed asked, standing up. 

"He's gone back to the hotel, sir – to stop Toby and Doug from killing each other, I think." 

"Dammit!" Immediately contrite, remembering that Gus was still at the table, he stopped. "Sorry." He looked at Abbey. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I need to go there – to try to sort something out. I thought that bringing Bruno's team in would help – but Toby and Sam are so–" He stopped and heaved a sigh, then turned towards the steps. 

"Jed, you–" Abbey stopped too, knowing that this was the wrong time and place. 

He'd already started to make his way down the steps, but looked back at her. "What?" 

"Nothing. Will you – will you be back for lunch – dinner?" 

"I don't know – I honestly don't know. We have to get this speech locked today – and we have to go to the school sometime today too–" 

"Okay." 

She watched him go, saw the dispirited slump in his shoulders, and then turned to CJ. "Did you talk to Sam?" When CJ looked a little confused, she added, "About my speech?" 

CJ's face cleared. "Oh – oh yes, he's gonna try to get it done today – but it won't be until after they've managed to finish the President's speech." 

"Tell him to forget it," Abbey said. 

CJ looked at her, startled. "You mean you've changed your mind?" 

"About introducing him? No." Abbey smiled at her. "I want to write my own speech, CJ." 

"Oh, okay then." CJ smiled back at her. "Yeah, that'll be good. Your own words, not a speechwriter's." 

"Length?" Abbey queried. "Couple of minutes?" 

"Three at the most for an introduction." 

"Okay." 

"Do you want to come to the school later?" CJ asked. "We can try it out – with the microphones – check the timing and the sound levels?" 

Abbey smirked. "You mean check the speech? Okay – but can we make it this evening? After dinner?" 

"Yes, fine. I'll call you later." 

"And in the meantime I have two grandchildren and three daughters to enjoy the day with!" 


	5. Speech Writing

Even when she took Gus to see the horses and then partnered Annie in a volleyball game with Ellie and Zoey, Abbey's mind was not far from the speech. Various phrases were going through her mind and she knew that at some point, she simply had to sit down and write it. 

After lunch, she took herself off to the den. "I won't be long," she told the girls. 

She sat down at the desk in the den and pulled the notepad towards her. After a few moments' thought, she started writing... 

Two hours later, she was still there, getting more and more frustrated with herself. She leant back and surveyed the screwed up balls of paper that she had flung off the desk. 'Oh, for God's sake, Abbey, concentrate!' she told herself. 

That had been the problem. Trying to write about Jed and the Presidency had sent her thoughts off into too many different directions. Not least the tight knot inside her that she was trying to ignore because it hurt too much even to start thinking about it – the knowledge that he was still going to run even when he thought she was so against it. 

But closely linked was an undercurrent of anger too and her lips tightened as she remembered how he had simply assumed that she wasn't 'with him', without giving her the chance to tell him how she felt. She heaved a sigh, thinking again of that night when they'd had their big fight, wishing now that she hadn't reacted as she did, that she hadn't lost her temper and stormed out. That was when their lines of communication had closed down, and just hadn't reopened since then. 

And she didn't know either what she could say to him about making things right with his staff which somehow came first – even more than trying to make things right between the two of them. She knew that Jed depended so much on these people. Leo most of all – but Jed had made his peace with Leo after she'd been the one to give Leo the devastating information about the MS. With the staff it had been different – and Abbey knew that Jed had to reach out to them somehow, if the election campaign was to have any hope of success. She knew, without being told, that the problems they were all having with writing tomorrow's speech for him were all linked to the MS issue. If they were all as resentful as CJ had made out about being kept out of the loop, it was hardly surprising that they were struggling with the speech. And that they would struggle with the campaign too. 

She knew they could do it, that they could get him re-elected – if only she could persuade Jed to understand that he had to bring them back together again. 

Abbey put her head in her hands and heaved a sigh, trying to get her mind back on to her speech. When she'd told CJ she would write it, she hadn't anticipated how difficult she was going to find it. 

She looked up as there was a knock at the door of the den. "Yeah?" she called. 

It was Liz who came in. "Mom, is everything okay? You said you wouldn't be long – but it's been over two hours." 

Abbey shrugged slightly. "I'm struggling here, Liz. You wanna help?" 

"Well, for what it's worth, I know what I would say." 

"Okay, shoot!" 

"Right then–" Liz perched herself on the edge of the desk, thought for a moment then went on, "Start with an appeal to the sense of history, a mention of the first Josiah Bartlett maybe? Then Dad's career from when he started at the Statehouse – then something about his first term, how the values he upheld in New Hampshire have been extended to America and to the world – and then bring it back to New Hampshire with how Dad feels about his home state." 

"Wow!" Abbey said, her eyes wide with admiration. "That's good, Liz, that's really good." 

"Want me to stay while you write it?" 

"No, it's okay. Thanks, Liz, but I think I can do it now." 

Forty-five minutes later Abbey took the completed speech upstairs to the kitchen and handed it to Liz. "There – what do you think?" 

"It's great!" Liz said with a smile when she'd finished reading. "You've pitched it just right, Mom. Oh – and CJ called about ten minutes ago – they should be ready for you at the school about seven thirty." 

Abbey glanced at her watch. "Okay, so if we aim for dinner at about six then?" 

"Will Dad be back?" 

She sighed. "Your guess is as good as mine – I just hope he managed to have some lunch at the hotel. Where are Gus and Annie?" 

"Ellie and Annie have taken Gus fishing, and Zoey's gone for a ride." 

"Okay, so let's get something ready for dinner." 

**** 

Jed called from the hotel just before six. "Sorry, I'm not going to get back for dinner," he said. "We need to go up to Satellite City and I still have to go to the school." 

"Do you want us to save a plate for you?" 

"No, it's okay. We'll grab something to eat here at the hotel." 

"All right. How's the speech?" 

"Better – but not locked yet. I still need to revise some parts, Leo and I are gonna go through it later." 

"Okay." She hesitated then said, "Jed–" 

"What?" 

"Try not to be too late tonight – you've got a big day tomorrow." 

"Yeah – yeah, okay." 

As Abbey put down the phone, she stood there for a moment. Usually both of them would have ended a phone call with 'Love you' – but not this time. It was just another small indication of the enormous chasm between them. 

**** 

After dinner, Abbey went for a quick shower and changed into her brown pants and matching top. She just had time to read Gus one of his favourite stories before the car arrived to take her to Columbia High School where the event was being held. 

As she got out of the car, Abbey surveyed the scene. A temporary stage had been erected outside the school's main entrance and was already decked with red, white and blue bunting, drapes and flags. Tall poles with balloons surrounded the seating area where there seemed to be hundreds of chairs 

Drawing in a deep breath, she turned to face CJ and Sam who were coming down the steps from the stage. 

"Hi," she said. "You're expecting a big crowd then?" 

CJ nodded. "Yeah, from all over the state. You got your speech sorted?" 

"I think so – Liz helped." 

"Okay, the sound guys are ready – want to give it a try?" 

"Yeah, fine." 

Abbey went up the steps on to the stage and stood by the microphone in the middle. 

"Okay, Mrs Bartlet," the sound technician called out. "Let's try it." 

Abbey looked down at her script. "Over 200 years ago, a New Hampshire doctor called Josiah Bartlett signed–" The loudspeakers screeched and she winced at the noise. "Something's not right here!" she said with a laugh. 

Another technician came up on to the stage. "Let's move the microphone further back," he said. 

Abbey took a few steps backwards. "Here?" 

"Try it again, Mrs Bartlet." 

"Okay – 'Over 200 years ago, a New Hampshire doctor called Josiah Bartlett signed the most important document in the history of the United States of America. Little could he realise that, at the dawn of the twenty-first century, one of his descendants would hold the highest office in those United States which were created by that document. 

"Over 20 years ago, you elected his descendant, another Josiah Bartlet, to New Hampshire's state legislature. He showed you then that he was representing YOU and the values that are important to you – the people of New Hampshire – and so you sent him to a higher legislature, the Congress of the United States, to represent you there. And I can't even begin to tell you of his delight and pride at then being elected Governor of his home state, not just once but twice. After that, YOU decided that Jed Bartlet was the right man to lead – not just the state of New Hampshire – but America itself. 

"In the last three years he has shown to you – and to America – and to the world – that he is a man of conscience, conviction, compassion and credibility. That he is ready to face head-on the important issues that face the people of this state, the people of this country and the people of the world. 

"Jed was born and raised in New Hampshire and he has lived here for most of his life. He loves this state so much – but just don't get him started on New Hampshire maple syrup! New Hampshire is our home – two of our daughters and both our grandchildren were born here. His roots and his heart – our hearts – are here – but like his ancestor, he also has the wider vision of a state, a country and a world that will be better for our children and for their children and for future generations. 

"And so, my friends, it is my pleasure and my great fortune to introduce my husband, our friend, New Hampshire's greatest son, and the President of the United States: Josiah Bartlet.'" 

Abbey stepped back from the microphone – and had to draw in a deep breath to recover from the emotion that suddenly welled up inside her. Then she realised that the technicians, and also CJ and Sam at the side of the stage, were all applauding. 

"It was okay?" she asked uncertainly. 

CJ came towards her. "Abbey, it's superb." 

Sam too came forward, clapping too. "You aiming for my job, ma'am?" he said with a grin. "When did you write all that?" 

"Today – this afternoon. Liz helped me – but it took hours. You could probably have done it in ten minutes!" 

"Could I suggest just a couple of amendments?" 

Abbey grinned. "The Sam Seaborn touch? Go ahead." 

"'Representing – that needs to be stronger, he wasn't just representing – he cared, put the needs and concerns of New Hampshire people first and foremost." 

Abbey nodded. "Good point." She scribbled the words quickly at the top of her script. "I'll bring that in, Sam. What else?" 

"I liked the bit about the maple syrup but you could also add something about him loving the weather in New Hampshire compared with Washington – he's always telling us that it's simply crisp in DC when it's freezing cold!" 

Abbey laughed and made another note. "Okay. Anything else?" 

It was CJ who answered. "Maybe you ought to say specifically that it was the Declaration of Independence that the first Josiah signed? People might not realise–" 

Abbey interrupted. "CJ, this is New Hampshire – people here know that the first Josiah Bartlett was one of the New Hampshire delegates!" 

"Yes, but if your speech goes into the New York, DC, Chicago, LA press–?" 

"Yeah, right – okay then. Is that it?" 

"That's it It's a great speech, ma'am." 

"Thanks, CJ. Sam?" 

"It's excellent, ma'am. It's got everything – the history, the President's career, his Presidency and his personal links to New Hampshire. Everything except his–" 

"Sam–" CJ said warningly. 

Abbey looked at Sam. "Say it, Sam – everything except his MS, right?" 

Sam hesitated, seemed about to say something else then looked away. Abbey leant forward and touched his arm lightly. "It's okay, Sam, I understand – and I'll make sure that Jed – that the President does too." 

Sam looked back at her hesitantly and nodded, before he was called away by Toby who was going around like a bear with a sore head. 

CJ looked apologetically at Abbey. "I'm sorry, ma'am." 

"Don't worry about it, CJ. I haven't forgotten what you said last night – even though I was half-drunk at the time! And now go away while I add those extra bits, before I forget what they were." 

"Okay." 

As CJ left the stage, Abbey stayed there, starting to make the amendments to the speech that they had suggested. 

When she heard the sirens of the Presidential motorcade arriving, her heart lurched, but she forced herself not to look around. Instead she continued to write. But inside she realised that she was trembling slightly, unsure what Jed's reaction was going to be – not even knowing whether he would come across and speak to her. 


	6. Reach out

Abbey glanced sideways and saw that he was coming straight from the car across to the steps that led down from the stage. Her heart lifted slightly. 'Okay,' she thought, 'at least I can meet him halfway–' 

She had almost got to the bottom of the steps by the time he reached them and turned to face him. 

"I didn't know you were going to be here?" he said tentatively. 

Abbey looked up at him. "I'm introducing you." 

Jed looked a little taken aback. "I thought Leo was gonna–" 

"Well, C.J. thought it would be good." 

"Okay." 

Abbey saw the momentary flash of irritation cross his face as he looked away. "I – I can tell them–" 

Jed looked at her again. "No, I think it's a good idea." 

"Okay." She watched him as he hesitated, seemed about to say something then looked away. It reminded her of the way Sam had just looked away from her. "You need to reach out to the staff," she said quietly. He looked back at her and her eyes softened as she looked at him. "Once you do that, they'll feel better – and then so will you." 

Their eyes held and she managed a small smile but he didn't answer. When he made a slight movement, as if he was going to reach out to her arm, she stiffened fractionally. 'If he touches me now, I'm just gonna break down,' she thought. Instead, he put his hand on the stair rail and she looked away from him. "I'm going back to the house now," she said, as calmly as she could. 

She was aware, as she walked past him and across to the car, that he was watching her. Her lips tightened and she swallowed hard, fighting back the tears that had flooded to her eyes. Only when she was in the car did she look back through the tinted window and saw that he was still standing in the same place, obviously lost in thought. She drew in a deep breath. "Well,' she thought, 'even if we've not been able to bridge our own gulf, at least I've pointed him in the direction of bridging it with his staff.' 

But as the car took her through the dark roads back home, the sadness overtook her that really she didn't have any idea of what he was actually thinking... 

**** 

Jed stood by the stair rail watching her walk to the car, and drew in a long deep breath. The last few seconds had thrown his head into a whirl and his hand tightened on the rail. God, what a total and complete jackass he had been. His mind went back to the night in the Residence, the night when they could have at least made a start at putting things right between them – and he'd blown it. He'd backed away yet again from talking about it all – maybe because he'd known that it would only lead to a stand-up fight. But that didn't – couldn't – excuse the way he had behaved that night. He'd been irritated – then bitter and sarcastic and then so insultingly patronising to her – hardly surprising that she'd turned on him and then told him to go to hell. Hardly surprising that they'd been on a slippery downhill slope ever since then with neither of them even wanting to bring up the subject again, knowing that it would probably lead to another bitter fight. 

But tonight in just two sentences, she had shown that she understood him better than anyone else – even better than himself. Reach out to the staff? Yeah, he thought, she was right. The whole atmosphere had changed. Toby and Sam were at odds with Bruno's team; CJ was floundering because of one misspoken word; Josh was making stupid mistakes. Those four people had turned his whole campaign around four years ago because of their enthusiasm, their commitment, their certainty and their belief in him. But now they were uncertain, facing subpoenas, facing a hostile press, facing their own fears about the future, facing a campaign that was – if the last few days were anything to go by – a total mess. And he hadn't reached out to them – and didn't really know why he hadn't been able to. Except that yes, he did. The experience of telling Toby was still sharply there in his mind. Not that he could blame the man for the shock and anger he had shown that night. But that was why he had had to detach himself when telling the others, he'd been formal and unemotional, because he couldn't face their shock or their anger. And he'd been too guilt-ridden – too chagrined – too afraid of their reactions to say anything more to them. He heaved a sigh. Abbey was right – they deserved far more from him than he had given them. 

He glanced across as her car started to leave. She was going to introduce him – and he couldn't decide just what that meant. Was she doing it because she wanted to? That thought filled him with a quiet delight. But then his lips tightened. Or was it just because it had been suggested to her? By CJ? First the photo shoot at breakfast – and now this. Just because it would look good for the press? Or was CJ interfering just more than he was comfortable with. 'Dammit,' he thought, 'that part of our lives just doesn't belong to them – to any of them!' 

"You feel all right?" Leo said at the side of him. 

He hadn't realised that Leo had approached and turned. "Yeah," he said briefly, though knew it didn't sound convincing. Then he looked at the other man. "CJ wants her to introduce me." 

Leo nodded. "Yeah, I thought it was a good idea too." 

Oh God, not Leo as well. Jed shrugged and the annoyance was there in his voice. "I wouldn't mind a little – you know–" This wasn't something he could talk about, not even with Leo. It was too close, too personal...Abruptly he turned to look at the seats and the stand behind them. "There's gonna be a big crowd here tomorrow." 

"Well, that's your kind of crowd," Leo said. 

Jed nodded slowly and drew in his breath. "I need to finish the speech," he said. 

"Yeah" was all Leo said as Jed walked across to one of the chairs, sat down and put on his glasses as he opened the folder. 

He forced himself to concentrate on it – it was a skill he'd had to learn years ago – to put aside his own personal problems and concentrate on what he had to do. After ten minutes he looked up and saw that Leo was on the stage with the sound technicians. 

"Okay," he said, as he went up to join them. "Shall we try it?" 

He did the run through, then looked round at Leo. "There're still some parts I'm not happy about." 

"You want to talk them through here?" Leo asked. 

Jed shook his head. "No, we need to go back to Satellite City – we'll talk on the way." 

"Okay." 

**** 

It was nearly eleven thirty when Leo finally called Bruno. "It's locked," he said simply. "The President will deal with it now." 

"I'll look through it again tomorrow," Jed said after Leo had finished the call. "What else has come through?" 

"Quite a few things – you want to look at them now?" 

"Might as well – there won't be a lot of time tomorrow." 

It was well past midnight when they finally stepped outside the door of the communications building and Leo glanced at the car which was waiting for him. "You okay?" he said. 

Jed nodded. "Yeah – I'll walk back down to the house." 

"Want me to come with you?" 

Jed grinned wryly. "Leo, there are about ten agents between here and the house. I think I can get there safely." 

"See you in the morning then." 

"Okay." Jed hesitated then said, "Leo – we _are_ doing the right thing, aren't we?" 

Leo looked at him, then nodded. "Yeah. _You're_ doing the right thing, old friend – you know it's what you have to do." 

"Yeah. It's just that – oh, never mind. See you in the morning, Leo." 

Jed walked slowly back down to the house. Yes, he thought, he knew that it was what he had to do. What he hadn't known was that it was going to strain his marriage almost to breaking point. And that had been his fault – right from the night of the Press Conference. He'd been so enthused, so exhilarated by what he had experienced in the Oval Office that he'd gone to the State Department determined to make his public announcement there and then, certain beyond all argument that it was what he had to do. It was only when he went back to the Residence that the reality had hit him – that he had done it without talking to Abbey first. But her reaction had been a hundred times worse than he could ever have anticipated. She'd been so very bitter and all his exhilaration had evaporated. And he'd been stunned too – stunned that the woman who usually understood him so well just hadn't understood him this time. 

But there hadn't been time to talk that night – just as there hadn't been time on too many other occasions. And the longer it had gone on, the harder it had become. It was there between them, but they couldn't talk about it. Tomorrow he was going to make his formal declaration – and they still hadn't talked about it... 

As he neared the house, his steps slowed – and he knew that it was because he didn't want to confront what might lie ahead. Last night she'd slept in the den – okay, so that might simply have been that she had fallen asleep down there. But if it had been deliberate? If she was distancing herself from him in the way that she knew would hit him the hardest? 

Even the thought made him wince and he tried to push it from his mind. Abbey had always been there for him – but he knew that if she was so totally set against a second term, then the next four years could destroy them – and that just didn't bear thinking about. The thought crossed his mind that it wasn't too late, even now, to withdraw – but that was unthinkable too, because he knew that he couldn't spend the rest of his life with the regrets that he could have done more but had walked away from it. 

Jed stopped when he reached the door. 'Damned if I do, damned if I don't,' he thought ironically, and gave a deep sigh. 

Then Mrs Landingham's voice came back to him – 'If you don't run 'cause you think it's gonna be too hard–' 

'God, Dolores, I wish you were here now,' he thought sadly as he pushed the door open. He lifted his hand in acknowledgement to the agent who stood outside and then closed the door behind him. If she'd been here, his thoughts went on, she'd just have said, 'Okay, you've made your decision, Jed – so now go fix it with Abbey.' His eyes suddenly filled – 'I'm the big sister you never had,' she'd once told him, and he knew it was true. She'd always been able to challenge him, force him to think about the things he shied away from. 

But fix it with Abbey? He shook his head slightly – he might be the most powerful man in the world – but he just didn't know how he was going to fix it with Abbey. 

The house was in darkness apart from a light on the upstairs landing and Jed climbed the stairs with a sense of dread. If she wasn't there again... 

He opened the bedroom door – and then stopped. The small bedside light was on – and he could see her dark hair against the pillow. 

Closing the door behind him, he leaned against it for a few moments. Realising that he had been holding his breath, he let it go in a long sigh of relief. Then, his head back against the door, his eyes closed, he sent up a silent prayer of thanks. Last night hadn't been deliberate then, he thought, she'd just fallen asleep down there... 

When eventually he climbed into bed beside her, she stirred slightly. "Jed?" 

"No, it's your other boyfriend," he grinned, whispering the joke they'd shared for years. Then he eased over on to his right side so that his face was against her hair. "I'm so happy that you're here." 

"Where else would I be?" she murmured sleepily. 

"You were downstairs last night," he said. 

He sensed that she was trying to rouse herself from sleep. "It's okay," he said gently. "Go back to sleep – we'll talk tomorrow." 

Tentatively he slipped his arm around her, wondering momentarily if she was going to move herself away from him. When she didn't, he relaxed – and then when her hand came up to cover his, he smiled and closed his eyes as he snuggled up against her... 


	7. Bricks out of the Wall

"Jed – Jed, wake up – Leo's on the phone." 

"What?" Jed struggled awake and squinted at Abbey who was standing by the bed in her bathrobe, holding the phone. 

"Leo's on the phone – something about a trade agreement with Brazil?" 

"Yeah – okay." 

He struggled to sit up in bed, pushed back the tousled hair that had fallen over his forehead and then took the phone from Abbey. "Yeah, Leo? What is it?" 

As he listened, he picked up his watch from the nightstand and his eyes widened as he saw that it was almost eight o'clock. Jeez, how had he managed to sleep so late? 

"Okay, Leo, I'll meet you up there in ten minutes." 

As he put down the phone, he swung his legs out of bed. "Why didn't you wake me earlier?" he called to Abbey who had gone back into the bathroom. 

She appeared at the door, now with a toothbrush in her hand. "Jed, you came to bed late and then you were tossing and turning half the night – so when you finally settled into a proper sleep, I thought you needed to–" 

"Yeah, okay." So she must have been still half awake when he'd come to bed, he thought, and then remembered how her hand had reached to cover his. And he knew why he'd been tossing and turning – because his mind wouldn't switch off, and kept bringing him back to an almost nightmare scenario where Abbey was leaving him, divorcing him. It had been half way through the night that he had made the decision – that if she really was totally against it, he really didn't have any option. If it came to a choice between Abbey and the Presidency, there was no contest. And that was when he'd finally fallen asleep. Now he looked across at her. "Abbey, we _do_ need to talk–" 

She returned his look. "Yeah," she said briefly and then looked away. 

"Look, I know how you feel–" 

Her eyes swung back to him. "No, Jed, you don't – you really don't." 

It was his turn to look away. "No – I guess I don't." He drew in his breath. "But I _do_ know how badly I've handled all this – and I do know how desperately sorry I am–" 

He raised his eyes to meet hers and saw her swallow hard, "Jed, I understand why you feel you have to run again, but–," she began, then stopped and shook her head. "No, you have to meet with Leo – we can't start this now. There just isn't time." 

Jed couldn't help but give a wry smile. "I thought that was my line?" 

Despite herself, Abbey smiled too. "I just thought I'd get it in before you did." 

"Okay." He stood up and started to unfasten his pajama top. Abbey watched him and, even with all the conflicting thoughts going round in her head, couldn't help but think how good it always felt to rest her head against that strong chest of his. Quickly she tried to shake the image out of her mind. 

"I'll come back after I've met with Leo – maybe we can talk over breakfast?" he was saying. 

"With the girls there, and Annie and Gus? Get real, Jed." 

"Okay, okay." Jed held up his hands. "But tell me something – it _was_ CJ who suggested the photo-op and you introducing me, right?" 

Abbey nodded and then saw Jed's lips tighten. "Jed, she was doing her job–" 

"As marriage counsellor? Damn it, Abbey, our marriage is off limits – to CJ – to everyone, for that matter." 

"Yeah, well, I bit her head off when she first suggested it – but then I realised that she has a job to do." Abbey hesitated for a moment. "She's in a difficult place, Jed – they all are. They've only known us for four years, they know nothing about our marriage or how we work things through." 

"I'm not sure that I do any more," Jed replied, carefully not looking at her as he pulled on his jeans. 

Abbey looked at him for a moment. Why was it that she was wishing that he was pulling _off_ his jeans, wishing that they could go back to bed, wishing that they could just wrap their arms around each other again? She gave a small sigh. "Jed, we really can't get into this right now. You have five minutes left to finish getting dressed and go up to Satellite City to meet with Leo–" 

"Yeah, right." 

After he'd gone, Abbey sat down slowly on the bed. When she'd woken that morning, she'd remembered how he'd put his arm around her when he had got into bed. It was the first time he'd done that in what seemed like forever. She'd been aware of him moving restlessly during the night but when she woke he was in a sound sleep and she'd turned over to look at him – and felt a sudden, almost overwhelming, physical longing for him. She'd been half-tempted to wake him – but knew that he needed to sleep, that he was exhausted after the stress of the last couple of days. 

Besides which, they couldn't make everything right between them just by making love. They still had to talk – he needed to know that she was ready to support him, and she needed to know just what had made him change his mind before he'd gone to the Press Conference. But she doubted that they would get the chance to talk this morning. This wasn't a five minute thing. This whole thing needed time now – the time to try to understand each other and to come back together again, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. 

But he'd apologised – he had acknowledged that he had handled it all badly – and that had to be the first brick being pulled out of the wall that had been built between them. It was a start... 

**** 

She was surprised when Jed reappeared just as they were all finishing breakfast. "You sorted out the trade agreement?" she asked. 

"Storm in a teacup," Jed commented, as he picked up a piece of toast from basket on the table. "We just needed to change some of the wording – and everyone's happy. Hey, Gus," he said, ruffling the little boy's hair before turning to Annie, "You skipping school today?" 

Annie grinned. "Yeah, I got special permission – how cool is that then?" 

"So long as you get all your class notes from Holly this evening," Liz reminded her. 

Jed looked across at his eldest daughter. "Thanks, Liz," he said with a smile. "It might be the only time Annie gets to see an event like this. Will Doug be there as well?" 

Liz shook her head. "He was still tied up in New York last night – he said he'd try to get back here in time, but I don't know if he'll make it." 

"Okay. What about Gus?" 

"No, he wouldn't understand what it was all about – so Jake's Mom said she'd have him." 

"I'm gonna play wif Jake," Gus said. "He's got a jumpy fing." 

"Jumpy fing?" Jed queried. 

"Trampoline," Liz translated. 

"Okay – so you go enjoy the jumpy fing, young man!" Jed smiled at Gus then turned to Abbey. "I need to go for a shower and a shave then I just need some time to do a last run through of the speech." He glanced at his watch. "Charlie will be here soon – give him some coffee, would you?" 

"Jed, you haven't had any breakfast." 

"I've just had a piece of toast, I'm fine." For the first time he noticed that the newspaper was spread out on the table in front of her. "Photo shoot?" he asked. "What are they like?" 

"Come and have a look." 

He moved round so that he was standing looking over her shoulder at the full page of photos from the previous morning's breakfast. There were several close-ups and one long-shot of the whole family. As he leant forward slightly to read the caption, he put his hand automatically on Abbey's shoulder. 

Abbey felt herself stilling inside. It was such a natural gesture – one he had done thousands of times before – and yet this morning, it was almost as if it was the very first time. "There – there's another photo," she said, almost hesitantly. 

"Where?" 

Abbey folded the paper back to the front page, with the large coloured photo above the fold – the two of them, looking at each other, as Abbey reached out to wipe a small drip of syrup from Jed's chin with her thumb. Jed looked at it for a long moment, and then his hand tightened on her shoulder. He remembered now how her green eyes had locked with his for an instant – an instant that had been caught for eternity by the camera, when they had reconnected, momentarily, despite everything that lay between them. 

"I think I'd like a framed copy of that photo," he said quietly. 

Abbey put her hand up to cover his, which was still on her shoulder. She looked round at him. "Yeah, so would I," she said with a smile. 

It was another brick out of the wall. 

**** 

The next two hours went by in a flash. Leo and then Bruno came to talk to Jed, there was another visit to Satellite City for an NSA conference call, and Abbey felt as if she was spending the whole time making coffee and answering the phone. 

Finally, things quietened down. The house was empty, the girls had already gone to the school and only Charlie and the agent were standing outside waiting for the Presidential limousine to arrive. Abbey had no idea where Jed was. 

When he eventually appeared, Abbey looked at him. "Where have you been?" 

He shrugged. "I took myself off to the barn. It was the only place where I could have some peace and quiet to have a final look at the speech." He hesitated for a moment. "I just had a run-in with CJ." 

Abbey's eyes widened. "Don't tell me that you–?" 

"I blasted her." 

"Oh, Jed–" 

"No, it's okay. She hit back. Did you know she was gonna resign?" 

"What?" Abbey gasped. 

"I was so involved with the speech that I didn't realise what she was saying at first. But then–" Jed paused, remembering his own outburst and CJ's reaction, then sighed. "Anyway, it's okay, we sorted it." He raised his eyes to meet hers. "You told me to reach out to them, Abbey – and you were right. These last few weeks have just been so hard – and not just for the staff–" He hesitated then went on, "For you too. Don't think that I don't realise it – don't ever think that I don't appreciate how tough it has been for you – for us – when the Presidency took over." 

Abbey nodded slowly. "You know, I sometimes wonder just how all those other First Ladies handled it – I started to think that maybe we ought to form a First Ladies' Club – me and Nancy and Rosalind and Betty – and get together for coffee every so often to discuss how our marriages survived the demands of the Presidency." 

Jed looked at her for a long moment. "Will ours survive, Abbey?" 

Her eyes met his. "I'm not planning to divorce you, Jed," she said quietly. 

Jed felt as though a sudden weight had been lifted from him. "Abbey–" 

They both looked round as a knock came at the door, and then Charlie came in. "The car's here, sir." 

"Okay, thanks Charlie." He looked around. "Oh God – where the hell is my jacket?" 

"I've got it here, sir – you left it in the barn." Charlie held out his jacket and Jed slipped it on. 

"And the speech?" he asked. 

"It's already gone, sir – and CJ is double-checking that it's on the podium." 

"Okay." Jed looked round at Abbey. "Ready?" 

For a moment or so she stood looking at him, with that inscrutable look on her face that he could hardly ever read. Finally she said, "Yeah – I'm ready." 


	8. Something Important to Say

Once they were in the car, they sat for a few minutes in silence, both of them looking out of the windows, lost in their own thoughts. 

Abbey wasn't really sure what she was thinking – or feeling. When he'd asked if she was ready, it had occurred to her that in a way she was having to say not just that she was ready to get into the car, but that she was ready too for the significance of this morning's event – and ready for another four years at the White House. But as they drove along the tree-lined road towards the school, part of her wished that they could simply turn the car around, go back home and start thinking about a different sort of life once Jed finished his term as President – a life without all the stress, a life where he could relax, a life where maybe his MS could be kept in abeyance. At the same time, she knew that that was the life she wanted for herself, because she was so frightened of what a second term could do to him – and because she was so desperately afraid of losing him. 

And love wasn't like that. Love wasn't a demand that the other person should keep you happy, whatever that cost them. Love was supporting the other person in their own need for fulfilment, whatever that need was. Throughout their marriage, that was what they had always done. Jed had been there for her through all the hard years of medical school and internship, and then the long years of residency. When he'd started his political career, they'd had to compromise at times – but they'd always supported each other. 

So, she thought, she had to be there for him now. It still hurt that he hadn't told her just when or why he had changed his mind – it hurt, too, to know that he was going to go ahead anyway, even though he thought she was against it. But she knew it was what he wanted – needed – to do, that it wasn't in him to walk away from an unfinished job when he knew that he could do so much more. And so this was one of the times when she had to put aside her own feelings and – yes, even her own fears – and give him the support that he needed from her. And she had to tell him that before they reached the school... 

She glanced round at him briefly, and saw that he was lost in thought too. 

Jed's feelings were a mixture – partly psyching himself up for the speech he was about to give, but partly thinking about what Abbey had just said – 'I'm not going to divorce you'. That at least had given him a measure of ease after all the thoughts that had been rampaging around in his head. He acknowledged the fear that he'd had inside him, that all this could destroy their marriage – but that simple statement showed that, whatever reservations Abbey might have, she still believed that their marriage would survive. And relief had spread over him like an ocean wave. They still had a long way to go to get their whole relationship back on track again, but for the moment it was enough to know that all this hadn't pushed her to the point where she was starting to think about ending their marriage. 

"Did you know that hardly any of the guys who landed on the moon are married to the same people they were married to before they went there?" he said suddenly, still looking out of the window. 

"What?" Abbey said. 

He turned to look at her and saw the confusion on her face. "I'm just saying it could be worse. I could've been an astronaut." 

Abbey stared at him. "You could _not_ have been an astronaut." 

He smirked slightly. "I'd have been a great astronaut." 

"You're afraid of heights – speed – fire – and small places," she pointed out. 

Jed shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. "I'd have overcome it to go to the moon." 

There was a pause before she nodded and said, "I know you would have." 

Jed hesitated, not knowing just how he could reach out to her. He looked round at her. "I'm really happy you're introducing me." His eyes met hers. "I'm really happy about that." 

There was a long pause and Jed looked away again, unsure about her lack of response. 

Eventually she said, "There's something important I have to say–" 

Jed felt his heart contracting and looked back at her. "Say it," he said and then held his breath. What was coming? That she was still totally against him running again? 

She wasn't looking at him. "I haven't really made up my mind yet–" she paused and he saw her swallow, felt a sick sense of dread ripple through him, but kept his eyes on her, "–but at the moment – I'm leaning towards voting for you." 

She turned towards him and he saw the slight smile on her lips, and in her eyes too. A warm wave of relief washed through him – he let out the breath he had been holding and he smiled back as their eyes met. Her hand had reached out along the seat towards him and he glanced down at it. Then his own hand reached out and caught hold of it, gripping it tightly. For the moment, there was no need to say any more. 

He glanced out of the window as they heard the sounds of the High School band and then looked back at her. "Abbey–" 

The car turned through the school gates and she shook her head. "No, we can talk later. You need to focus on your speech now." 

His hand was still grasping hers tightly as their eyes locked. "I love you so much, Abbey," he said softly. 

"And I love you too – jackass!" 

Jed was still grinning as the car drew to a standstill and he stepped out. The dull weight of weariness that had hung over him for the past few weeks had suddenly lifted and he felt a surge of energy take its place. With Abbey behind him again, he could face whatever the world threw at him. 

One of the aides approached Abbey and beckoned towards the steps at the side of the stage where CJ was waiting. "If you'd like to come this way, ma'am?" 

"Mr President," Charlie said, "you need to come this way into the school – Leo and the staff are waiting in the room near the front door." 

Jed glanced towards Abbey and she returned his glance. She didn't have to say anything. The words were there in her eyes – 'Reach out to them, Jed.' 

He nodded and then followed Charlie into the school, giving his body man a grin when he heard the raised voices from the classroom as they walked down the corridor. "They're still arguing?" 

"Sounds like it, sir." 

Jed caught the end of the argument – Doug saying in frustration "I know what the word means. I'm saying if people don't know what the word means..." 

"They can look it up," Jed said as he went into the room. Everyone scrambled to their feet and Jed turned to Doug. "It's not our job to appeal to the lowest common denominator, Doug. It's our job to raise it. If you're going to be the 'Education President', it'd be nice not to hide that you have an education." Then he turned to Bruno. "Bruno, would you mind?" 

Bruno understood and he, Doug and Connie turned to leave the room. As the door opened, Jed could hear Abbey's voice – something about 'governor of his home state' – and wondered momentarily, just what else she was saying about him. 

Perching himself on the edge of a desk, he looked round at his staff for a few seconds. "Churchill and FDR," he started, "serious men using big words for big purpose–" Then he stopped. He looked around, taking in each face in turn, and saw all the uncertainty in their eyes. 'No,' he thought letting out his breath in a small sigh, 'this can't come out as a prepared speech, this is when I've got to be honest with them – and try to bring them back.' 

"It occurs to me I never said 'I'm sorry'," he said quietly. "I am." Feeling it so intensely, the words showed his inner emotions. He paused then went on. "For the lawyers – for the press – for the mess – for the fear." He went on quickly before the emotions could well up inside him. "Bruno, Doug, Connie – these guys are good. They want to win. So do we. The only thing we want more is to be right. I wonder if you can't do both–" 

Slowly he stood up, hoping that they understood – that he was talking to them all as the team they had always been, the team that had won the last election, the team that could now go forward and win the next one. "There's a new book, and we're gonna write it. You can win if you run a smart, disciplined campaign, if you studiously say _nothing_ –– nothing that causes you trouble, nothing that's a gaffe, nothing that shows you might think the wrong thing, nothing that shows you think." He glanced round at his Communications Director. "But it just isn't worthy of us, is it, Toby?" 

Toby looked straight at him. "No, sir." 

Jed continued, quoting now from the speech he was about to make, words that he knew were Toby's and Sam's – and words that he knew he had to say to his staff before he said them to the rest of America, "It isn't worthy of us, it isn't worthy of America, it isn't worthy of a great nation. We're gonna write a new book, right here, right now. This very moment. Today." 

He caught the small smile on Sam's face, the small nod that came from CJ – and knew, with a sense of relief, that he'd said it right. 

An aide opened the door. "Sir?" 

Jed nodded. He turned to glance for a moment at Leo who had been standing behind him, and Leo met his look. To anyone else that look would have been totally inscrutable but Jed knew Leo too well. 'I've stunned him,' Jed thought. 'He didn't expect that.' 

Hearing Abbey's voice from the stage, he knew that she was nearing the end of her speech and he set off for the door. 

"And so my friends, it is my great pleasure and my great fortune to introduce my husband, your friend, New Hampshire's greatest son–" He suppressed a small smirk as he fastened his jacket – God, where had she got that one from? "–and the President of the United States – Josiah Bartlet!" 

He reached the classroom door as the crowds outside erupted into applause. Then he turned back to face his staff and smiled at them all. "You know what? Break's over!" And it _was_ over, he could see from their faces that they were with him again and ready, just as he was now, to face the future. 

He strode out into the bright sunlight – and saw that Abbey was applauding with the rest of the crowd and smiling at him as he approached. When he drew level with her, she put her upraised hands to his face – and kissed him hard on his mouth... 


	9. A New Book

The crowd went wild as they witnessed this real kiss between their President and his wife. 

Eventually Jed pulled away fractionally, "Let me go," he muttered, "or I'm gonna have to rip your clothes off right here and now." 

Abbey, still with her hands to his face, looked straight into his blue eyes, with the look that always turned him on. "Later, boyfriend, later." 

His heart leapt but he simply nodded. "Okay – but we have to talk first." 

"Or afterwards?" 

He grinned. "Don't do this to me – I have a speech to make!" 

Then they both turned towards the crowd and Jed moved to greet the New Hampshire Governor on the platform before turning back to Abbey. His hand reached for hers and when she gripped it hard, he had to draw in a deep breath. The cheers grew to a roar of approval as they both smiled and waved. 

Then Jed stepped forward to the microphone and Abbey took a step backwards. She glanced round at CJ and their eyes met. Her own look simply said 'Satisfied now?' But CJ's face was more than just her Press Secretary's face, it was her own total delight at what she had seen just happen. Abbey smiled conspiratorially at her, then turned her attention back to Jed's speech. 

"And I come before you not to speak of the America we have, but of the better, stronger, more prosperous America we can create together–" 

He paused for the cheers and applause and Abbey was reminded of the words he had once said to her, so many years before – "There are so many things wrong in the world, Abbey – I want to do something to change it, to make it better – for us, for our children, for our children's children, for all the future generations." That was the philosophy – no, the passion – that had driven him throughout his life. When he'd first said those words, neither of them had thought for even one moment that it was the Presidency that would give him the ultimate challenge to work towards that passion. To begin with, it had just been the Statehouse – and then when it had been suggested that he might run for Congress, they had discussed it, weighed up the pros and cons of the effect it would have on their lives and their family, and decided that it was a 'once-in-a-lifetime' opportunity for Jed to make the difference that he so eagerly wanted to do. 

It had been altogether different when he'd come home one night and told her that Leo had been to see him at the Governor's Mansion. When he had told her what Leo had suggested, everything inside her had screamed 'No!' 

_"Jed–"_

"Yeah, I know what you're gonna say – you said it when I ran for the second term as Governor." 

"Jed, you can't ignore it." 

"Abbey, I've had just two minor episodes in the last four years, neither of which has shown any progression–" 

"But – but President? That has to be the most stressful job in the world – and stress–" 

He'd cut her short. "Abbey, I can't put my life on hold and not do things because of what might happen in the future. Besides which, I really don't have any chance of winning – but it might be fun to try!" 

It was after he'd won the Illinois primary that they had made the deal. 

"And so with pride and purpose, I hereby announce my candidacy for the presidency of the United States of America." 

The crowd erupted again and instinctively Abbey stepped up to Jed's side and grasped his hand. The deal had been broken – but he was her husband, she loved him, and it was what he _had_ to do. As she smiled and held up her hand with his, she tried to ignore the frisson of fear that ran through her. 

The band played, the people cheered, they smiled and they waved – until eventually CJ drew them back. "Okay," she said quietly, "leave them wanting more now." 

They followed her back into the school and the rest of the staff surrounded them. 

Still holding Abbey's hand, Jed turned to Toby and Sam with a grin. "We got there in the end, didn't we?" 

Toby nodded and gave a quiet smile of satisfaction as they shook hands. Sam's boyish grin said it all. "You did well, sir," he said, enthusiastically pumping Jed's hand. 

CJ interrupted. "I think you've got to go out there again, Mr President – they're still cheering." 

Jed glanced at Abbey. "Okay?" 

She nodded. 'Yeah, okay." 

Their eyes met and Jed's heart contracted at the love that shone from her eyes. They still had to talk – but he knew that, whatever reservations and fears she had, she was with him again. That was enough for the moment. "C'mon," he said and tightened his hold on her hand. 

They walked out to the dais again – and the crowd roared their delight as they smiled and waved. 

"Give her another kiss!" shouted someone in the crowd. 

Jed grinned and looked at Abbey. "You want another kiss?" 

"I want more than that, jackass!" 

"Yeah, but not here!" 

He leant forward and met her lips gently – wishing that he could simply draw her into his arms and deepen the kiss until the moment when he would feel her melt into his arms – but they were on a public stage right now and this would have to suffice. It would make all the press across America anyway – and he hoped that the photos would just show his upper half and not the lower, where he knew that his pants were already getting tight. 

With a final wave, they went back into the school. They had to stay there for another hour, greeting local dignitaries, talking, mingling, doing all the PR stuff that was expected of them. 

When Jed saw Leo standing alone in a corner of the room, lost in thought, he went across to him. Leo looked round at him as he approached. "Well, even after all this time, you can still surprise me, sir." 

"I surprised you?" 

"Stunned might be a better word. I told them all that there was no way that–" 

"Abbey saw it, Leo. She saw it much better than you or I did. She told me that I had to reach out to them, that it was the only way to bring them back together again." 

Leo glanced around the room. "Seems like it worked." 

Jed looked round too – saw CJ in animated discussion with Josh and Donna, saw Sam and Toby laughing together – and if Toby was laughing, then something had to have gone right. "The whole atmosphere's buzzing, Leo – you can feel it." 

"Yeah." 

"It's a new book, Leo. It starts today." 

Leo looked at him for a long moment. "So – let Bartlet be Bartlet?" 

Jed grinned. "You can say that again!" He put his hand on his friend's arm. "We're gonna win this thing, Leo." 

" _You're_ gonna win it, old friend," Leo replied with conviction. Because today he had seen a renewed Jed Bartlet, the man he always knew his old friend could become – totally confident, determined, fired up – a world away from the hesitant and uncertain man he had been at the start of the first campaign. He went on, "And you know I'm right behind you – and so are they all." Despite himself, Leo's eyes slid round to where Abbey was standing talking to the New Hampshire Governor and his wife. 

Jed looked round too, and then turned back to Leo. "And so is she," he said. 

Leo looked at him, then his face broke into a grin. "Now I understand! You've made your peace with Abbey?" 

Jed tilted his head slightly. "Sort of," he admitted, then looked at his friend again. "Leo, can you deal with everything for the next couple of hours or so? Short of World War Three breaking out, I need some time–" 

Leo grinned. "Say no more!" 

"–to _talk_ to her!" Jed went on, grinning too. "I can't imagine what else you might be thinking." 

Leo looked at him for a moment. "You want me to invite your daughters back to the hotel to celebrate with the rest of the staff?" 

Jed's eyes met his friend's and saw the depth of understanding there. "Yeah, good idea. Thanks Leo. And now I need a quick word with CJ – I assume you know–?" 

"That she was gonna resign? Yeah." 

"We sorted it, Leo. She's okay. So let the Haiti thing go now, would you? It's time to move on." 

Leo inclined his head slightly. "I serve at the pleasure of the President." 

"Thanks, Leo." With a grateful glance at his Chief of Staff, Jed turned and made his way across the room to where CJ was talking to Josh. 

"CJ, a word with you, please." 

"Yes, sir." 

CJ followed him to the side of the room, wondering what was coming next. 

"Leo's in charge for the next couple of hours, CJ. I'm going to be _hors de combat_ – you understand?" 

The smile lit up her face. "Yes, sir – absolutely." 

He hesitated, then looked up at her. "And – thank you," he said quietly. "I was being a total jackass earlier." 

"Sir–" 

Jed shook his head. "No, I was out of line – and I apologise." He glanced across at Abbey again and then looked back at CJ. "How long do we have to stay at this thing, CJ?" 

"Well, no-one can leave until you do, sir." 

Jed grinned. "And I bet you all can't wait to get back to the hotel for some liquid refreshment? Okay then." 

He went across the room to Abbey, who looked round at him. "I think we need to leave now." 

"Okay." Abbey met his eyes then glanced towards their daughters and granddaughter who were talking with Leo. 

Jed read her mind. "It's all right. Leo's taking them back to the hotel with the staff." 

She looked at him and he saw her lips twitch slightly. "Oh – right." 

And eventually, after their farewells, they were able to escape into the limo that would take them back to the farm – to a blissful privacy. Jed caught hold of Abbey's hand. "So – have you made up your mind yet – about voting for me?" he said, glancing round at her under his eyelashes. 

Abbey returned his look. "Well – it _was_ quite a good speech – so–" Then she laughed. "Oh, to hell with the vote. Just kiss me, Jed." 


	10. Together Again

He didn't need a second telling. Turning to her, he brought his mouth down on hers – not the chaste kiss on a public dais, but a deep and sensuous kiss that sent her head right back against the soft leather seat. As her mouth opened to his, his tongue found hers. Then the kiss became fierce and hard, and involuntarily his hands slid down from her arms to grasp her breasts. The small moan from her throat and the way her body reached towards his threatened to drive all coherent thoughts out of his brain. Her right hand was clutching the back of his head while her other hand ran down from his chest until it reached the hard bulge in his pants. He groaned and started to turn his whole body round to her, wanting her so desperately that he didn't give a damn where they were. 

When he moved his hand to start pulling down the zipper of his pants, Abbey suddenly put her hand on his chest and pushed him away. Startled, he looked at her but then saw she was smiling. "Jed – not here in the car," she said breathlessly. "I think we owe ourselves more than just a quickie, don't we?" 

He looked at her for a long moment. "Yeah," he said, then "God, Abbey, I need you so much." 

"We'll be home soon." 

Reluctantly, Jed moved away from her and sank back against the seat until his breathing had returned to normal. They still needed to talk it all through, he thought, as his brain function slowly returned. They couldn't just leave this thing buried under the bedcovers while they resumed their sex life. They had to deal with it, with everything that had happened. It wasn't going to be easy, but it had to be done. 

**** 

When they finally walked into the house, Abbey caught hold of his hand. "Let's go to bed." 

Jed looked at her. "Abbey, we need to talk–" 

Turning to him, Abbey put her hands to his face again and kissed him hard on his mouth. Despite what he had just said, Jed couldn't stop himself from responding just as fiercely. His arms went round her and he pulled her hard against him. As the kiss continued, his body resumed its earlier physical reaction and he knew that Abbey had felt it. She slid her hand down to hold him and he responded with a sharp intake of breath as he pulled away from their kiss. But his arms were still round her and she was still holding him. 

"Abbey, we need–" 

She looked at him. "Yeah, to talk. But if we sit down to talk now, we're gonna cut it short because we'll both be thinking about going to bed. So let's do that first and enjoy it, and then we'll talk. Okay?" 

Jed grinned. "Who am I to argue against such logic?" 

"So get _upstairs_ , big boy!" 

Slipping off her three inch heels, she started to run lightly up the stairs, and Jed followed, taking the stairs two at a time, and flinging off his jacket on the way. His tie followed and his shirt was already half unbuttoned by the time they reached their bedroom. 

Abbey looked round at him. "Special garment?" 

"Forget the special garment – just get your clothes off!" 

Abbey laughed. "No romance then?" 

He glanced at her as he threw his shirt on to a chair and then forced off his shoes without untying them. "Yeah, I'll be as romantic as you want – once we get into that bed! And if I don't get out of these pants soon, I'm gonna do myself irreparable damage!" 

Abbey stood and looked at him, still laughing. "Then get them off, jackass!" 

"Thought that was my line?" 

"Say it then!" 

"I already did. Get 'em off!" 

Less than a minute later, they were together on the bed. Jed drew her to him, holding her tightly as his amusement receded and he wondered for a moment if he was dreaming. It seemed so long since they had been like this, lying so close – not just physically but intimately too with their hearts and minds together again. Abbey rested her face against his shoulder and he knew, as her hands pressed against his back, that she was thinking the same. 

After a few minutes, he eased her on to her back and leaned over to caress and kiss her everywhere. As his mouth reached her breast and enclosed her hard nipple, she gasped and her body arched towards him. Then she lifted his head back to her mouth. Her lips parted softly and her tongue probed his gently. At the same time, she was running her hands down his chest and stomach, sending electric impulses through him. 

As she reached lower and pushed him gently backwards, he drew in his breath, waiting for the moment when she would touch his already hard shaft. When she did, with a feather-like touch, his head went back against the pillow and he groaned. As her fingers played him softly, he strained towards her hand, wanting more. 

"Slow down, Jed," she whispered. She took her hand away from him as she reached up to kiss him again. After a long and passionate kiss that left them both breathlessly aroused, Jed caught hold of her hand and moved it back down, aching for her to hold him again. Then his head fell back against the pillow as her hand moved firmly round him, stroking him rhythmically. 

"Oh God!" he gasped, desperately needing the release but at the same time trying to hold himself back. He didn't know whether to be sorry or glad when her hand slowed. But he smiled a little, realising that she knew him so well. 

He opened his eyes and looked at her. "I want you, Abbey," he groaned. 

Abbey smiled, sensuously and seductively. "I want you too – so much." They kissed again, a deliciously erotic kiss and Abbey leaned back against the pillows, so that he could trail the kiss down to her breasts. At the same time, his hand slid between her legs and she gave a low throaty moan when his fingers found and stroked the sensitive place there. "Oh, that's so good!" she breathed. 

As he stroked her, he could feel her arousal, knew that he was taking her right to the edge and holding her there, as she murmured almost incoherently and her head went from side to side on the pillow. He loved it so much when she lost herself like this. 

Then suddenly her eyes opened. "Jed–" His name came from her like an anguished plea. 

He knew that she was ready, and lifted himself above her. As he went into her, his blue eyes locked with hers and for a minute or so they were still, both glorying in this physical and almost overwhelmingly emotional reunion. 

"I love you, Abbey." he said, his voice hoarse. 

Her green eyes looked back at him, a heady mixture of love and lust, as she nodded and smiled. "Love you too – so much." 

She pushed her hips harder against his and Jed groaned as the movement sent him even deeper inside her. "Oh God – Abbey, I can't–" His eyes closed as he lost the last vestiges of control. His body took over and hers responded. He heard her cries, dimly heard his own strained grunts as he thrust into her over and over again, felt the sweat running down his face and down his back – and then felt her tighten around him, heard her yell 'Oh yes – yesss – ' And then her pulsating contractions around him sent him into his own mind-blowing climax as he spilled into her, groaning her name with every blissful spasm of release... 

They collapsed against each other, gasping for breath, hearts pounding, still clutching each other as they slowly descended into a haven of peace. 

He tried to stay awake but failed. Sleep overtook him – a peaceful, dreamless and contented sleep. When he awoke, he reached over to Abbey's side of the bed – and found it empty. Confused for a moment, he forced his eyes open and looked around vaguely. 

"I'm here, Jed," she said. 

He turned and saw her sitting on a chair near the bed, wrapped in her white bathrobe, her damp hair in tendrils round her face. 

"I fell asleep?" he asked, lifting himself up on to one elbow to look at her. 

She smiled. "Yeah – and you looked so peaceful I didn't have the heart to wake you. You want a drink?" She lifted her own glass of wine and then nodded towards the wine bottle and glass on the small table near the bed. 

Jed slid his legs over the side of the bed. "Give me a couple of minutes," he said. "I need a shower too." He paused for a few moments as he sat on the side of the bed and rubbed his hands up his face and then through his hair. Then he looked at her again, his eyes deep with emotion. "I love you so much, Abbey." 

She nodded. "Yeah," she said softly. "Yeah, I know. And I love you, Jed. So go for your shower – and then we'll talk." 

As he stood in the shower, letting the water stream through his hair and down his face, he wondered just how they were going to start. The water reminded him of how he'd stood on the portico, letting the fierce rain of the tropical storm give him the strength to do what he knew he had to do, despite everything he had said to Abbey and Leo – despite the deal he and Abbey had made. 

And then there had been press conference, when he had stunned everyone by declaring that he was going to run again. He remembered glancing at the faces of his staff – seeing their shock, surprise and then their undisguised delight. But more than that, he remembered Abbey's bitter words when he had walked back into the Residence – 'This crazy man got in front of millions of people and totally screwed his wife.' 

'Yeah, I did too,' he thought as he stepped out of the shower and started towelling himself down. 

He'd had to leave – to go and deal with the Haiti situation – but it had been with a heavy heart, knowing that he still had to tell her what had changed his mind. But somehow it had got harder and harder – too many other things had got in the way – and their lines of communication had closed. 

Until that moment in the car. He still didn't know when or why she had changed her mind – just as she didn't know when or why he had changed his. 

He pulled on his sweat pants and one of his Notre Dame sweaters, then went back into the bedroom. 

"Abbey, when did you–?" 

"Have some wine, Jed. It's good." 

"Okay." He brought up another chair to the small table as Abbey poured him a glass of wine and handed it to him. "So it's talking time now, huh?" 

"Yeah, I guess." 


	11. Talk to Me

The silence hung between them for a few minutes. Then they both spoke at once. 

"When–?" 

Jed smiled. "I think your 'when?' probably comes before mine, doesn't it?" 

Abbey looked at him. "I think I know when, but I want to know why." 

He nodded. "Yeah." He thought for a few moments then said, "So – if we go right back with this – you know that I hadn't intended the State of the Union–?" 

"Okay, yes, we sorted that one out. That was Leo and Toby's doing – you hadn't realised how it came across – but somehow I knew – yeah, I was wrong blaming you for that." She gave him a small smile. "I think I just got there faster than you did with that one. But once the MS came out–?" 

Jed heaved a sigh and looked down. "I thought then that I didn't have a chance of winning again. I'd lied – we'd lied – well, no we hadn't – but we hadn't told the truth either. So it just seemed that the best thing to do was to back off. And after we'd talked about it, I told Leo – and he told the staff–" 

"And then the press conference?" 

He looked across at her and met her eyes. "Something happened, Abbey – I don't know how to explain it, but something happened." 

"Go on." 

Jed leant forward, his arms resting on his thighs, his hands clasped, not looking at her as he went on, "When I was still at school, I let Dolores Landingham down very badly. She told me about the inequalities of the salaries paid to my father's staff and asked me to bring it up with my father. I went in to talk to him about it – but – well, he was mad at me for something else. So I didn't do it. And I always felt guilty about that. She'd said to me, 'If you think we're right and you won't speak up because you can't be bothered, then God, Jed, I don't even want to know you.'" 

"What's that got to do with–?" 

"Because when I was in the Oval before the Press Conference, she said almost the same to me again." 

Abbey frowned, not understanding at all. "But – but she wasn't there–" 

Jed held up his hands. "I know, I know. But I'd just come back from her funeral – and she was there in my head. And she said – or I said – or thought – oh God, I don't know – but her voice was there somehow – it was as if she was showing me what to think. She asked me for numbers." 

"Numbers?" 

Jed smiled a little at the memory. "When she first told me about the teachers' salaries, I asked her for numbers. And that night she asked _me_ for numbers – children born in poverty, Americans without health insurance, homicides, people behind bars, drug addicts, crumbling schools – and that's when I knew that I couldn't give up – not when I knew that there were so many people out there who need help, that there was still so much to do to try to make things better for them. And then it was as if she was saying 'If you don't want to run again, I respect that. But if you don't run 'cause you think it's gonna be too hard or you think you're gonna lose – well, God, Jed, I don't even want to know you.' And it just hit me then that I wasn't stepping back because of the MS – I was stepping back simply because everyone seemed to assume that I would lose because of it. And that was when I knew that I had to fight for what I needed to do and not just give in under all the pressure." 

He looked across at her and saw the stunned expression on her face. "Abbey?" 

Abbey was staring at him, and then let out a long breath. "I knew it had to be something important to make you change your mind – but I – I never realised – Jed, that was almost a _spiritual_ experience." 

Jed gave his small smile and shrugged a little. "Yeah, well, I'd just ranted at God in the Cathedral – so maybe He was getting His own back. And actually there's more–" 

"Go on." 

"I went outside – on the portico – there was a tropical storm, remember? I just stood there – the rain was lashing down – and – well, I suppose I made my peace with God again. I thought He'd been messing with me – not only the MS – the embassy hostages, too, and Mrs Landingham's senseless death – but that storm somehow gave me the answer – and I just let it wash over me. So yeah, maybe it was a spiritual moment, I don't know – but I did know that I was totally certain that it was what I had to do." He looked across at her again and then his face creased. "Oh Abbey, please don't cry–" 

A tear was trickling down Abbey's cheek. "If only I'd known–" she whispered. 

He bit his lip. "I'm sorry, Abbey – so very sorry – that I had to go and do that press conference without telling you first–" 

Quickly she shook her head as she brushed the tear away with her hand. "No – no, I didn't mean that. Jed, I've spent this last month not knowing what made you change your mind. That's the thing that has been crucifying me – because you wouldn't open up to me." 

Jed looked at her for a long moment. "You were so bitter – so angry – that night, Abbey." 

She looked back at him. "Yeah – because I couldn't believe it – I just couldn't believe that you'd gone against everything we'd agreed." 

"I know. And I would have given anything to talk to you about it that night – but I had to go and sort out Haiti – and – well, after that we just lost it, didn't we?" 

She nodded slowly. "And then you got mad at me – because I wasn't 'with you' as you put it. But first you wanted to talk and then you didn't–" 

"Okay, so say it." 

"Say what?" 

"That I was being a total jackass." 

"Yes, you were." 

Jed drew in his breath and winced slightly. "You told me to go to hell – you've never ever said that to me before." 

"I was angry – but I was scared too, Jed – I still am." 

He looked at her. "Yeah," he said. "But Abbey, I've always said that I can't put my life on hold because of what _might_ happen in the future. It might – it might not – if it does, then we deal with it. In the meantime, I have to keep living my life as if – well, as if everything was normal." 

"We had a deal, Jed. When you won the Illinois primary–" 

He nodded. "D'you think I don't remember that?" He gave a small mirthless laugh. "When it all started, it wasn't as if I even had a chance. Remember? We talked about it – Hoynes seemed to have it locked up – so let's give him a run, give him some good opportunities. But then somehow things changed–" 

"Yeah, you started winning – and that's when I started getting scared." 

"So did I – God, so did I. I was terrified – it was all taking off – and it was like a whirligig that wouldn't stop. Those kids did it all – Josh, Sam, Toby, CJ – and they _were_ like big kids then – so enthused, so committed, so adamant that they had got it right, that they saw me as the next President. They had so much more confidence than I had." 

"Until Illinois." 

"Yeah, right – that was when I really started realising that maybe – just maybe I could win the Democratic nomination. And then you spelled it out for me, didn't you?" 

Abbey nodded. "I knew then you would get the nomination – I knew then that you'd win the election. And it frightened me." 

"Yeah – I knew that – and that's why I agreed to the deal." 

Her eyes widened. "Because of me?" 

"Because of you – because I love you – because you were worried and scared – and – yeah, I guess because you seemed to understand far more about MS than I did, even though I'd read a mass of stuff about it." 

"That's because you couldn't relate it to yourself." 

Jed thought for a moment. "That's true actually – how do you know that?" 

A glimmer of a smile crossed Abbey's face. "Have you forgotten I'm a doctor, Jed? It's a normal reaction – particularly when the symptoms aren't hitting you in the face all the time. You feel okay – so you assume all those other symptoms that you read about aren't going to happen to you." 

Jed inclined his head in the gesture that meant agreement. "And they haven't – okay, I had the flu, but it didn't lead to any progression." 

"In two years time, we'll be ten years from the initial diagnosis." 

Suddenly he wasn't agreeing any more. "So? Am I gonna fall apart when we reach the tenth anniversary then?" 

"I didn't say that. I just wanted you to understand–" 

Jed held up his hands. "Yeah, okay, I'm sorry. I don't want to fight you on this one, Abbey. I want you to understand too–" 

"I do." 

"What?" 

"I said I understand." 

"What?" 

"Don't you mean when?" 

"Abbey, you've lost me." 

"We started all this with both of us asking 'when?' You've told me when you changed your mind and why too – so can I tell you when too? Or, more to the point, why." 

"Go on." 

"Okay, so hear me out." 


	12. Facing the Future

Abbey drained her glass of wine and leant back against her chair. "When I watched that press conference, I was stunned – I couldn't believe what you had said. I thought you were just in the grip of the emotional aftermath of the funeral. But when you came back, and said 'I'm running again' in that determined voice of yours, I knew that you'd made up your mind. And to start with – well, yes, I _was_ angry because you'd gone against everything that we'd decided. But then I got even more pissed when you wouldn't talk to me about it." 

"That's when I get scared – because you're quite a force to be reckoned with when you get so angry, Abbey. And I thought you were gonna yell at me – and go on and on about–" 

"Jed, just shut up and listen. You remember that night when you were reading about your damned agriculture?" He nodded and she went on, "You asked me why I wasn't with you. Can you remember what I said?" 

He thought back. "I think you told me in no uncertain terms to go to hell." 

Abbey shook her head. "No, I didn't – not at that point anyway. What I said was 'How d'you know I'm not?'" 

She looked at him and Jed's face stilled as he looked back at her. "Oh God," he breathed. 

"Yeah – I was gonna tell you that night that I'd changed my mind." Her face creased into a anguished frown as she remembered what had happened. "But you dismissed it, Jed. You just said 'You're not.' And you were pissed at me – you assumed that – you didn't even give me a chance to–" She looked down, biting her lip. 

There was silence for a few moments. Then Jed said, very quietly, "Abbey, I'm sorry – I'm so, _so_ sorry – I thought–" 

Abbey nodded then looked at him again. "Yeah, well – I'm sorry too, 'cause then I lost my temper with you." 

"You had every right to. I'm ashamed of the way I behaved that night." 

"But I should have stayed calm – and told you what I was thinking." 

Another silence followed before Jed eventually said, "So are you gonna tell me now?" 

"I think I need another glass of wine." 

Jed leant forward and reached for the wine bottle, then filled her glass for her. She leaned back against her chair, sipping it slowly as she said, "I realised how much it meant to you." 

"And that's it?" 

She looked round at him, a small smile on her lips now. "In essence, yes. But if you want the details – well, I knew I could probably persuade you to step back – I could have laid into you about the MS. I could have told you how scared I was. I could have given you a dozen or more reasons – but I kept remembering what you said in the car – no, it wasn't what you said, it was the way you said it." 

"You've lost me again, sweetheart. What car? When?" 

"When we were on the way to National Cathedral for Dolores' funeral. I said that everyone seemed to think that if you backed Hoynes, there was a chance the Democrats could keep the White House." 

Jed nodded, remembering now. "And the world would rest easier." 

"Yeah, but you didn't say it like that." 

"No, because I was feeling so bitter that everyone assumed that there was no chance I could win again." 

"And you think you can? Even now?" 

Jed shrugged slightly. "I've never lost an election in my life." 

"But now that everyone knows about the MS?" 

"The election's not gonna be about the MS – it's gonna be about what we can do for the country, about building on what we've already done, about finishing the job–" 

Abbey smiled as she heard the passion and determination in his voice. "And that's why I decided that I wasn't gonna try and persuade you not to run. Because Jed Bartlet can't walk away from an unfinished job." 

"And Jed Bartlet couldn't do any of it without you," he said quietly. 

She hesitated for a moment and then knew that, if they were going to clear the air completely, she had to say it. "But you were going to declare your candidacy still thinking that I wasn't with you." 

Jed looked at her for a few long moments. Then he nodded. "Yes, I was." 

"So it was more important than our marriage?" 

"No," he said immediately. "No – don't ever think that, Abbey – ever. _Nothing_ is more important to me than that – than you." He paused and sighed. "I wanted to talk to you, Abbey – I wanted so much to tell you about what happened in the Oval that night – I wanted so much for you to understand. But you were mad at me – then I got mad at you – and then – oh God, then everything went to pieces somehow. And – well, Bruno's team came in and it all started moving so fast. There was never any time at the White House – but I thought that maybe when we got up here, we'd have more time, that we could sit down and talk like we're doing now. But the last two days have been crazy with all the arguments going on and all the arrangements for the thing today and the girls being here too. But I made a decision last night–" 

"Last night?" 

"Well, you did tell me I was tossing and turning – and that was why." 

"What d'you mean?" 

"I knew that we probably wouldn't get chance to talk this morning, much as I wanted to – so I had to go ahead with the declaration – but last night I made the decision that when we finally got to talk and if you were totally against it, then I would withdraw. I'd go along with saying it was after consultation with doctors – whatever–" His blue eyes looked straight into hers. "I knew that I couldn't do it without you – and I knew that I couldn't lose you – so if it was between you and the Presidency, there was simply no contest." 

Abbey looked down, biting her lip and swallowing hard as she realised the enormity of what he had just said. Then she raised her eyes to meet his. "And then I'd never be able to forgive myself for making you walk away from what you know in your heart that you have to do – before you felt you had done all you could. I knew that I couldn't ask you to do that. Anyway, you wouldn't be the Jed that I know and love if you did that." 

"But you've still got reservations." It wasn't a question. He knew that she had. "Come here, sweetheart." 

He held out his arm, and Abbey stood and moved across to him, settling herself on his lap with his arm around her as he hugged her. He went on, "I know you're still worried about the MS – I know that you're probably more worried about it than I am – but at the moment, I feel fine. So I can't let a decision about the future be influenced by a 'what if?' or 'it might get worse'. So when – no, _if_ – things change, then that's when we'll face it." 

Abbey was silent for a few moments. Face what? she wondered. Fatigue – memory lapses – failure to think clearly – numbness – muscle weakness – loss of coordination and balance? A wave of frustration swept through her. MS was so unpredictable – the relapsing remitting course could develop into the secondary progressive stage – but it wasn't inevitable. And it was the not knowing that was so hard to cope with – as well as the fear that the stress of the Presidency could exacerbate his symptoms. She looked round at him and forced a smile. "Yeah." 

"You're not convinced." 

"I can't help worrying, Jed – I can't help wondering just what we're gonna have to face in the future. I can't tell you if – or when – or what –? And I can't even begin to tell you just how helpless that makes me feel." He tightened his arm around her and she looked at him, her eyes meeting his. "But I _am_ convinced that this is something that you have to do – and I know that smart people who love you are going to have your back. And so am I." 

Jed leant forward to kiss her. "I love you, Abbey." 

"I love you too." 

"I'm so happy we're together again." 

Abbey smiled at him, her love shining from her eyes. "Yeah, so am I – and I might even vote for you too." 

"You _might_?" 

She grinned. "Well, okay then – I _will_ vote for you – if you give me another kiss." 

And he did. 

THE END 


End file.
